The Binding
by Elyria7
Summary: Fire Lord Zuko has worked tirelessly to rebuild his nation from the ashes of the Hundred Year's war. But Zuko has a secret, a mysterious illness that has been plaguing him since the comet is gaining strength with each full moon. Eventual Zutara.
1. Chapter 1

Blanket Disclaimer: I don't own any of them, Nickelodeon does. If I did I'm pretty sure my house would be bigger, and I wouldn't scrub my own toilets. Eh, a girl can dream. This is un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine.

The Binding

Chapter 1

Zuko sat up gasping and clutching his chest his muscles aching and quivering with sweaty exhaustion. :::Not again::: was all he managed to think before another wave of agony gripped him in its greasy clutches, the tearing pain starting in his torso and spreading throughout his body in choppy waves. As the second outbreak began loosening its hold on him he rolled out of his unadorned bed and stumbled across his room to the balcony door. Sliding the door took almost all he had and his breath came in shallow quavering pants. All he knew at that moment with his whole being was that he had to get out, had to get outside to the cool night air and the briny fresh smell of the ocean. He made it down the steep footpath sending out a quick prayer of thanks to whichever of his ancestors had the sturdy hand railing put in. Staggering out on the beach he fell to his hands and knees at the water's edge and retched as another wave of pain overtook his exhausted frame. He dully registered that as he coughed and gagged dark blood stained the moonlight bleached sand between his clenched hands. _Well that's new_ he thought grimly as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, staining his pale skin as well.

He looked around slowly and took in his familiar surroundings. Kneeling at the water's edge on the private beach behind the royal palace this place was comforting to him with the steep cliffs to his back offering their silent strength and protection. Slowly he tilted his gaze upwards, almost as if in prayer, and saw the moon hanging above the water full, heavy and powerful in the soft pink of the predawn sky. Then he felt it, deep inside him, in his very soul the push and pull of the ocean and the moon. His head reeled from these new sensations and he didn't even have time to begin to question how or why this was at all possible when the sun broke the horizon, flooding the beach with warm yellow light. His Firebender's soul rejoiced at the dawning of a new day and as the familiar spark filled his spirit, it was in direct conflict with the overpowering influence of the moon and suddenly it was too much. He was too full. An explosion of white light filled his vision and he didn't even know he was screaming in agony until it all went blissfully dark as oblivion raced to meet him.

Iroh was out of bed with his back against the wall crouched in a defensive stance before his mind fully registered that he was even awake. Blinking he mused that even though the body aged, some things apparently were never forgotten. Shaking his head to and trying to calm his breathing he desperately tried to think what had woken him so violently. A scream, like none other he had ever heard, like something out of a nightmare pierced the dawn air again and set him into motion. He raced out of his room and down the hall to his beloved nephew's room and threw the door open without even knocking. His senses immediately told him the room was empty and he sprinted to the balcony and out of the open back door.

As he raced down the winding stone steps carved into the living mountain his mind spiraled in a thousand directions as to what he would find. Were they under attack? Was it some kind of assassination attempt? If so the assassins were in for a cruel surprise, Fire Lord Zuko was not just some cushy aristocrat who relied on his bodyguards for protection. Skills not only in Firebending, but also in hand to hand combat that had been necessary for survival during the years of his banishment had been honed to near perfection. Iroh allowed himself the small hope that the scream he had heard was someone on the receiving end of Zuko's wrath, and not Zu…

He froze on the last step as he spotted a crumpled form out by the water, so pale in the new dawn. "Oh no…ZUKO!" His heart which had frozen momentarily was now racing as he sprinted to Zuko's side.

"Zuko! Zuko answer me!" He fell to his knees at his nephew's side and gently placed his hand on Zuko's chest. He nearly sobbed in relief as he felt his nephew's heart beating, somewhat hesitantly but beating nonetheless. He rolled Zuko onto his back and was shocked by his appearance. Zuko truly was Ozai's son in form if not in mind, and over the last few years he had finally grown into himself. Gone was the thin awkward teenager, painstakingly replaced with a trim build broadened shoulders and even a few more inches in height. Looking down at him now Iroh realized that there was something horribly wrong with his nephew. As he tenderly cradled Zuko's head and shoulders in his lap he surveyed Zuko's form with disbelief and fear.

Vanished was the quiet tensile strength from his body and left in its place was a wasted, pale representation of what he once had been. Clad only in linen pants that came to his knees Iroh now could truly see what Zuko had become; all lean muscle, tendon and sickly shadows with his numerous scars standing out in angry relief. He knew that Zuko still trained every day, usually here on this very beach…in complete privacy. Muttering a curse he racked his brains further to try and remember the last time he had seen Zuko out of his heavy formal robes, or out of his loose fitting informal robes. True Zuko had looked paler than usual, and he did have dark circles under his eyes, but Iroh had attributed that to the pressures of rebuilding a nation. He suddenly knew that he hadn't seen Zuko without a shirt on for a very long time and released the breath he didn't know he had been holding in a soft sigh. "You knew something was wrong." He whispered. "You knew you were unwell and you hid it from me…why my nephew!" It was as he was gathering Zuko up into his arms that he noticed the crimson flecks on his lips. His heart plummeted in his chest. What was wrong with his nephew!

Getting Zuko's lean albeit tall form up the stone steps hadn't been easy but fear and adrenaline were great motivators. Placing Zuko gently in his bed Iroh bellowed "Guards!" When two guards raced through the door with their swords drawn Iroh held up his palms pleadingly and addressed the first guard;

"Fire Lord Zuko is unwell, please fetch the healers quickly"

The guard sheathed his sword and nodded his understanding, his brown eyes full of concern for his Lord. He dashed out of the room while Iroh turned to the second guard.

"I don't know if this is merely an illness or if it was some kind of attack, get to General Lee and have him close the palace and inspect the perimeter of the city. I'll want a preliminary report in one hour."

"Yes Sir, General Iroh."

Once the guards were gone Iroh fetched a basin of cool clean water from the adjoining bathroom and proceeded to clean his nephew's sweaty face and neck. He was hoping for some kind of response, but Zuko remained unconscious and unaware of his ministrations. "You know you can tell me anything, how long have you been carrying this burden?" The thought of Zuko ill and alone saddened Iroh greatly. "I only hope your foolishness hasn't done permanent damage." Sending a silent but heartfelt prayer to Agni that this wasn't the case, he grasped Zuko's callused hand in his own and waited.

Zuko opened his eyes, blinking slowly and groaning as the soft evening light of the setting sun seemed to pierce his eyes like daggers. He felt weak and shaky, which was pretty much normal after…a night like last night. Sitting up slowly he swung his legs off the edge of the bed and gingerly cradled his throbbing skull. It was at this point that he realized that he was not alone in his room; someone was lounging in the chair in the corner. He tried to stand and assume a defensive stance but his body betrayed him yet again as a wave of sick dizziness washed over him and he stumbled backwards. The intruder was there catching him before he could fall. The feel of his uncle's familiar hands on his shoulders supporting him almost wrenched a sob from his already aching chest. He should have known he couldn't keep this from his uncle forever, and a part of him was even relieved that his secret was out. He let his uncle tuck him back in bed and waited quietly while Iroh fetched a glass of water and pulled a chair up next to the bed. The water tasted like springtime, cool and clean to his raw throat. Murmuring his thanks Zuko waited for the questions he knew were coming, and his uncle didn't disappoint him.

"How long, my nephew, has this illness plagued you? This illness incidentally, that the healers are baffled by, and have no explanation for. They say it is unlike anything they have ever encountered and they cannot even begin to treat it. How long have you known Zuko?"

Zuko closed his eyes and sighed. He had practiced telling his uncle a thousand times in his head, but now faced with actually doing it, he was at a loss. "Truthfully uncle, I have known something was…wrong since about six months after the coronation."

Iroh stared dumbfounded. "But Zuko…that was over six years ago…"

"I know. At first I was healing from…her lightning attack." Zuko closed his eyes, remembering that fateful day.

"I was in pain from that wound but my nation needed me, to begin the process of rebuilding, so I gritted my teeth and I bore it with no complaint. But after six months, the wound had healed, I should have been healed, yet I was not. There was still pain. Not all the time, but it would hit in sudden waves, and then depart. After about a year of dealing with it, I sought answers. Do you remember when I went out with the fleet to inspect the other islands?" Iroh nodded. The Fire Nation had finally started to come under control and the other nations were beginning to open up to the possibility of peace, all thanks to Fire Lord Zuko's tireless efforts to prove himself worthy of leading the new Fire Nation. He had journeyed throughout his realm and to the Earth Kingdom as well that year to show that he was serious in his intents to heal the hurts inflicted by his ancestors, and his father.

"During that trip I went to Chiyu Island, where the best healers in the fire nation reside. I swore them to secrecy because I knew my nation needed a strong, healthy leader. They could find nothing physically wrong with me, aside from exhaustion" He grimaced humorlessly. "So next I went to the Crescent Island, and spoke with the Fire Sages. They could find nothing in our lore of such an affliction, and were at a loss. I knew then that there was nothing to be done for me, and I would just have to rebuild my nation with this added obstacle. I didn't want you or others to worry about me so I kept it a secret. It wasn't that difficult at first, we were all so busy." He sighed and looked out the window to the horizon, where the sun was sinking into the waiting embrace of the ocean, painting the sky with all the hues of his birthright, the oranges, yellows, and reds.

Feeling stronger Zuko stood and walked out on to the balcony, staring out into the distance but no longer seeing. "It's gotten worse uncle. Over the years I've learned that the pains are the worst on the full moon. They're almost unbearable now, like something inside me is torn in two. There's something else…" And Iroh watched in fascinated horror as his beloved nephew, silhouetted by the last vestiges of evening light did a basic Firebending move, just a small swirl of his forearm and wrist and he should have had a flame dancing in his palm waiting to do his bidding. But nothing happened, not even a spark, or smoke. Iroh blinked, his mind trying to comprehend the impossible. "But Zuko, you train every day! Down on the beach! What..."

"It's true, I do train every day. I train in my hand to hand combat, I train with my Dual Swords, and I even go through Firebending forms. But I haven't been able to actually firebend in almost a year." Zuko bowed his head in shame. "What kind of Fire Lord can't firebend uncle? I've…I've failed my people."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. If I did, my house would definitely be bigger, and my TV would be a flat screen…oh well, a girl can dream can't she.

Chapter 2

Iroh brought Zuko his informal robes, which he grudgingly pulled on wincing as the ache in his chest made itself known. Iroh stood in front of Zuko unwavering in his determination to make his nephew see reason. Gently gripping his shoulders he forced Zuko to meet his gaze.

"No Zuko, you have given everything for your people. You have given up your family, your personal ties, and now it seems, your very health on this quest to raise the Fire Nation out of the ashes of your ancestor's folly. You have done all of this with impeccable honor and decency, not only to the Fire Nation, but to the other nations as well. If anyone has failed, it is I. I have failed to watch over you as I should, and save you from yourself. No more. You have given enough Fire Lord Zuko. You have hidden long enough alone with your pain and suffering. Now we will do something about it. Your nation is now more healthy and whole than it has been in a century. It is time its Fire Lord was the same."

Zuko looked down at his uncle with a mixture of relief and for the first time in a long time…hope. "Of course uncle" he said wryly a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth "if that is what you think is best."

Iroh rolled his eyes, because underneath it all Zuko really was still sometimes just a lost young man trying to find his way, and he secretly loved it when Iroh fussed over him like the father he never had. "Of course it is for the best; now get inside before you get any other smart ideas, like sleeping on the beach for another night." Zuko bowed his head and let out a sharp, mirthless laugh. "Trust me uncle sleeping on the beach, as you so mildly put it, was not in my plans last night either." They reentered Zuko's room and he eyed the tray that had been brought in by the servants while they were on the balcony. It was a light, simple meal of savory juk with an egg in it and sliced firefruit on the side. His stomach growled in appreciation, and he realized he had not eaten since yesterday afternoon. "Thank you uncle" he said indicating the tray, knowing Iroh had picked it especially for him. "It is nothing Zuko, but the first step toward getting you whole and healthy again." Zuko began eating in earnest pausing only to voice a question as it came to him. "Uncle, do you have a plan?" Iroh looked at him levelly, his dark amber eyes meeting his nephews golden ones. "No Zuko, I do not have a plan…but I do have ideas." Zuko nodded at him, his face a mask bereft of any emotion, but his eyes still held the tiniest glimmer of hope. As long as his uncle had ideas, then maybe there was a way out of this nightmare after all.

The next morning Iroh made it a point to be down at the beach at sunrise, and he wasn't disappointed. Zuko had beat him down the to the water's edge, but not by much, as his dual swords still sheathed across his back. He looked up as his uncle made himself comfortable on a nearby boulder.

"Uncle?"

"Continue Zuko. It has been quite a while since I have observed what you are capable of."

Zuko bowed, and began. He started slowly with stretches and basic hand to hand forms, letting his aching muscles warm up in the crisp dawn air. Then he began to speed up, as his mind shut down and his body took over. Iroh watched with ever - increasing interest. The initial forms he knew by heart, and had taught many of them to Zuko during their exile together. Suddenly it all changed. Zuko stopped, took a deep breath, and unsheathed his beloved swords in one fluid motion and moved quickly through forms that Iroh had never seen. He watched, rapt as the increasingly complex forms flowed as smoothly as water from his nephew's wasted body. Zuko finished the final Kata, sheathed his swords, and bowed deeply to the now risen sun. He turned to his uncle with a smile on his face and froze. General Iroh, Dragon of the West, was standing now, staring at him with a look of pure amazement. Then, to Zuko's horror, Iroh crossed his right arm over his chest; dropped to one knee and bowed deeply…the greatest sign of respect and fealty a warrior could show for another.

"What! Uncle, no! Really there's no need for…" Zuko sputtered, and to his added horror, Zuko realized he was turning pink to the tips of his ears, oh sweet Agni! Fire Lord's did not blush!

Iroh looked up at him, his amber eyes calm and calculating. "Fire Lord Zuko, once again I have underestimated the warrior, the man you have become. Rest assured that will not happen again."

Zuko drew himself up to his full height and looked down his nose at his uncle imperiously. "See that it doesn't." he drawled in his best Fire Lord voice. He held it for one second…two, and then he couldn't take it anymore and he doubled over laughing.

Iroh stood easily and watched his nephew, a small smile on his lips, his eyes full of sadness. This was the man his nephew should have been, this was the gentle easygoing soul that he rarely saw, the one that hid behind the masks. How long had it been since he had heard Zuko laugh? Iroh waited until Zuko had finished before carefully asking "where did you learn such skill with a sword my nephew?"

"On my tour of the islands uncle, I stayed with Master Piandao for three months to hone my skills. When I departed he said I was a great swordsman, a natural. Of course I told him I was taught by the best swordsman, by the best man I had ever known." Zuko eyed him keenly and Iroh felt his heart swell with pride and love for his nephew. "Thank you, my nephew…"

"It was nothing but the truth uncle" Zuko replied easily turning toward him. Iroh was shocked to see the raw pain and anger on Zuko's face as he took one step, then two and collapsed to his knees gasping and clutching his chest. Clutching, Iroh saw with some horror and the beginnings of real fear, the scar where he had absorbed his sister's lightning bolt. Rushing to Zuko's side he helped his nephew to his feet and admonished gently "Zuko, you should not be out here doing forms in your condition." Zuko snarled and pulled away. "And what exactly is my condition?" he ground out in frustration, fists clenched at his sides. For a moment he looked like the angry teenager from long ago. Then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and visibly concentrated on relaxing. When he opened his eyes again, they were calm and focused. "Uncle, please understand these forms are the only thing keeping me sane right now. I've lost everything, but as long as I have my swords and my wits…well I hope I can get through this." Iroh nodded his understanding.

Iroh put an arm around Zuko's waist and gently herded his charge up the stone steps. "Come Zuko, we must make preparations."

"Preparations for what Uncle?" Zuko asked with some surprise in his voice.

"For your departure." Iroh replied, and before Zuko could object, Iroh calmly faced his nephew and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Fire Lord Zuko, you told me you have exhausted the resources of the Fire Nation searching for a cure for your ailment. Well it seems to me that there are two other nations out there that might have some clue as to what is going on. Thanks to you, and your ceaseless efforts towards peace, now is the best time for you to go. I have contacted my brethren in the Order of the White Lotus across the nations, they will know what is happening and they will search for any clues in their histories. I have also contacted the wisest amongst us, and hopefully he will be here in a week or so to take you to the North Pole, and to the best healers in the known world. This is my plan Fire Lord Zuko; I can only hope that somewhere along the way we are successful, and that you are healed."

Zuko stared at his uncle, his mind reeling. All of these arrangements, he must have made them while I was sleeping! Zuko hung his head in shame. Seeing this Iroh asked gently "what is it my nephew?"

"I'm sorry Uncle. Maybe if I had come to you sooner, it wouldn't have gotten this bad."

"Your apology is accepted. Now, let's get some breakfast…and tea!"

The next week and a half was spent in a flurry of activity as arrangements were made for Fire Lord Zuko's departure. Iroh was increasingly involved with the affairs of State, tying up loose ends and delegating increasingly complex tasks to Zuko's most trusted advisors. In his opinion this should have happened a long time ago, but his nephew had a pesky habit of bearing the full weight of the crown, including its many responsibilities on his shoulders alone. Zuko noticed gradually what his uncle was doing, and was secretly grateful for it. With his advisors and officials carrying their own weight and Iroh managing them, Zuko, for the first time in his young reign had moments to himself, to breath, to meditate, and to confront the fear that had been filling him for the past year.

Iroh knocked gently on the doors to Zuko's private chambers, and slowly made his way inside carrying a bundle of black cloth. His gaze found Zuko hunched over the small washbasin in the corner. Clad once again in his linen pants, Iroh was painfully aware of how much his nephew had suffered in his young life, how much he was still suffering. Zuko had not noticed or acknowledged his entrance, so he lay the bundle on the bed and padded over to the basin, placing a hand on Zuko's shoulder. Feeling the minute tremors wracking Zuko's exhausted frame he slowly turned Zuko to face him. The glazed look in Zuko's eyes, coupled with the pale sheen of sweat coating his torso frightened Iroh more than he thought possible.

"Zuko." Iroh said, and then more forcefully "Zuko!" when it became apparent that Zuko was still looking through him. He gently grasped Zuko's face and made his nephew's golden gaze meet his own. "What is it my nephew?" Zuko slowly came back to him, his eyes gaining awareness. "Uncle" Zuko rasped, his voice distant "I'm…I'm dying aren't I?" Iroh was momentarily speechless, and then the fire in him that made him the Dragon of the West reared in his mind, and in his heart.

"Nephew, hear me well – You are a fighter, you always have been and you always will be. You have been through much, too much in your young life to give up now. I once knew a boy who would go to the ends of the earth, chasing a myth, for something as intangible as honor." Zuko closed his eyes and bowed his head.

"Uncle, I know I started that journey for all the wrong reasons, but after some painful lessons, I hope I've done things for the right reasons…for my people, for my country, for the other nations. I just…I don't know how many more painful lessons I have in me." Zuko walked over and sat heavily on the edge of the bed, hunched over and hid his face in his hands. He couldn't imagine living with this pain for the rest of his life, as well as the uncertainty of when another attack would happen. He was confident it was no longer a matter of if, but when the next attack would strike and bring him retching to his knees. True, he was a fighter, and he knew he would battle to his last gasping breath if need be, but he also perversely found himself wishing for that last breath, that end to the pain, to be sooner rather than later. It was confusing at the best of times, heartbreaking at the worst. Iroh saw his nephew's desolation and his heart ached. No! He thought fiercely! I won't lose Zuko too!

"You must live Zuko" Iroh ground out, his voice gravely with emotion. "For so many reasons that we cannot even see. You must live to reap the rewards of this lasting peace you are creating here. You must live because your people love you and need you, as I love and need you."

"Uncle" Zuko looked up his eyes bright, throat constricted against unshed tears.

"But most of all, my nephew, you must live for you, and for all the wonders your future holds. For the love your future holds." Iroh pulled the speechless Fire Lord to his feet and pressed the bundle into his hands. "That is why you must leave tonight."

Zuko looked at the bundle of soft black cloth and slowly unrolled it, his mind whirling with memories, good and bad as he slowly revealed a new duangua, so similar to the one he had in his days of banishment, his days as the Blue Spirit, that he knew his uncle had had it made from memory. The supple cloth almost felt like coming home as he pulled on the pants and tied the tunic around his waist. His heart pounding as Iroh looked on he went to a chest in the corner of the room and opened it slowly. On the top lay his harness sheath, specifically made for his dual swords he pulled it on with the ease of much practice. He removed some other frequently used articles of clothing, placing them gently on the floor until he was almost to the bottom of the chest. His soft black leather boots, shin and wrist braces were there, wrapped carefully in oilcloth to keep them supple. He had kept everything in excellent condition, because if his banishment had taught him anything it was that one never knew when one would be battling for one's life. He snorted as he pulled the boots on. I really am fighting for my life this time he mused, the thought sobering him. Except this time it wasn't an enemy he could see or hear or touch. He closed his eyes and breathed, trying to center himself while his hands busily tied on his wrist braces like he had worn them yesterday, when in fact it had been years. Even the smell of the old worn leather brought back memories of his banishment, and the journeys that brought him to the Avatar. He rose slowly to his feet and walked over to where his dual swords were displayed on the wall and took them down with some reverence. These swords had saved his life more times than he could count; maybe they had one more in them. He sheathed them smoothly on his back and turned to his uncle. "Now what?" he asked calmly, knowing full well that Iroh had a plan, since he had arrived with Zuko's clothes in hand.

"Follow me, Fire Lord Zuko, and we will meet our guest on the beach." Iroh bowed and walked out the back door to the balcony and headed toward the white sands far below. They traversed the stone stairway in silence. So this is it, Zuko thought. He was finally setting out on his journey that may very well be his last and he had no idea who he was traveling with. He assumed he would be going by ship, since that was the fastest way to the North Pole, but even so the journey took weeks. Did he have weeks? Would he survive the next full moon, which was a scant two and half weeks away? The last one had been the worst so far, and thinking back on it made his chest ache. He truly didn't know how much more he could take. All these thoughts and more raced through his mind as they stepped out onto the cool starlit sand. Strangely, there was no ship in sight, nor were there any smaller boats pulled ashore waiting for them. As his confusion mounted, Zuko opened his mouth to speak, and promptly shut it again after taking in his uncle's visage. Iroh stood calmly with his hands tucked into his sleeves and his eyes half closed…waiting. So Zuko decided to mirror him. He relaxed his stance, took a deep breath…and waited patiently next to his uncle.

Zuko calmed and centered his thoughts, emptied his mind and focused on his breath. In and out, much like the steady waves on the shore, in and out. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his other senses. The smell and taste of the briny sea air filled his nose and mouth. He felt the cool breeze against his fevered skin. He listened to the sounds of the waves on the beach, the winds whistling across the cliffs higher up. The sense of his uncle's warm presence at this side reassured him. He thought about what his uncle had said, about living for his people, for his uncle, and for…love. He didn't know what to make of this last statement. He had been so busy rebuilding the Fire Nation that his own health had become secondary, what use did he have for love? Not that it stopped the Baron's and Noblemen from presenting their eligible daughters to him at the tedious state dinners he was forced to attend. And he was always polite, if indifferent. The women were beautiful and yet…Zuko shuddered. Most had grown up accustomed to life at court, so they were either bored and submissive, or worse, they were manipulative and scheming. The latter reminded him too much of his sister, the former of Mai. His uncle had spoken only once of possibly arranging a union for Zuko, and once Iroh's eyebrows had grown back the subject had never been mentioned again. Zuko didn't know what he wanted or needed with love, but he was certain he wouldn't find it at his court. That his uncle would bring up the subject now, when it seemed like love was the least of his concerns puzzled Zuko. But he had long ago accepted that his uncle was a much wiser man than he, especially when it came to feelings and matters of the heart. So he took his uncle's advice seriously and tucked it away for further pondering later. If I have a later, he mused darkly. Focusing, he centered himself again, cleared his thoughts…in and out…in and out.

Some time later, Zuko didn't really know how long, he came back to himself because he thought he had heard something. Something was…different. The wind shifted directions and there, on the very edge of his perception, more felt than heard, a deep bass rumble. He opened his eyes. That sound, so familiar, and yet he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He turned "Uncle…wha…?" Zuko broke off and they both crouched low, looking straight up at the same time as the sound roared overhead and a great beast flew over the cliffs above their heads. It veered in a graceful arc and came to rest on the beach not twenty paces away. Zuko's mind was blank with shock, even as he mouthed "Appa?" soundlessly. Wild eyed he looked at his uncle, begging him silently to…to what?

Iroh took pity on Zuko and gently grasped his arm, calming Zuko with a look. "It saddens me greatly Zuko, to know that you would give anything, even your life, for your people, for your friends. And yet when we would do the same for you, you are always surprised. Zuko you have friends that care about you. Is it so remarkable that they would want to help you in your time of need?" Zuko nodded uncomprehendingly. "But uncle, you said…you said the wisest of us would be taking me north?" Iroh's eyes held a trace of mirth in them as he answered "and who is wiser, Fire Lord Zuko, than the Avatar?" Understanding slowly dawned on Zuko's face as they turned to face Appa.

Aang leapt lightly from Appa's saddle and strode across the white sand. Zuko noticed the changes in him as he walked. Aang stopped a few paces away and bowed low. "Fire Lord Zuko, General Iroh." Iroh bowed back. "Avatar Aang." Zuko simply stared at this man, his friend. He was tall and lean like his ancestors, with a perfect balance to his gait that implied he was made for fighting, or dancing on the wind. He dressed much the same as he always had in his orange and yellow sash, but the cloth was a finer thicker material. His shoulders had broadened, and his jaw was stronger but what Zuko noticed the most were his eyes. They were…ancient, and yet they were still Aang. While Zuko carried the weight of the Fire Nation, Aang carried the weight of the world. Yet he seemed so…alive. He carried more than a few scars of his own, but he still vibrated with that energy that was so…Aang. Aang straightened up and grinned uncertainly at him, his warm grey eyes filling with concern. "Zuko?" Hearing his name on Aang's lips broke something loose in Zuko; he nodded dumbly and held out his right arm. Aang stepped forward and grasped Zuko's forearm tightly with his own, and then pulled him in to a powerful embrace. Zuko realized with some surprise that Aang was just as tall as him now. "You came." Zuko mumbled into his friend's shoulder. "I didn't even think about you coming." Aang pulled back and gripped his shoulders tightly, almost painfully, his grey eyes searching Zuko's golden ones. "Zuko," he whispered softly, "What's happened to you?"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Avatar the Last Airbender. Nickelodeon does. This story is written for pure pleasure and no profit is being made. The characters will be returned in slightly worse condition than when I found them, which is not the boy scout way I know, but I can't help it. This is not beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

Author's note: So sorry for the long gap between posting. Real life has a way of getting in the way. Literally moved across the country with my hubby and my dog and started a brand new job. But the stress level is much better now, so writing is once again an option!

Chapter 3

Katara climbed slowly up the ice steps to the outer defensive wall massaging her aching temples. She had just finished a basic waterbending class with some of the youngest waterbenders in the tribe, and while the time had been productive, she was still exhausted from the incessant squabbling. True, thanks to her, girls were now trained alongside the boys, but centuries of tradition simply did not disappear overnight. Katara ground her teeth in frustration thinking of the class. Spirits! She spent half the time convincing the loudmouthed boys that yes, she was a competent waterbender and worthy even to be called "Sifu." While the other half of her time was spent coaxing the incredibly shy girls out of their shells so that they would attempt basic waterbending forms in the presence of the boys. And don't even get her started on their parents…her head throbbed harder.

She finally reached the top of the stairs to the wall that guarded the city's ocean entrance. She nodded silently to the guard there. He faced her and acknowledged her Master status with a bow and moved further down the wall, granting her the privacy she so desperately yearned for. With a few deft motions of her arms she created a solid ice-shelf jutting out of the wall with just enough space to sit on. She smirked as she pictured what her younger self would say to such actions. Hands on her hips she probably would have declared it unsafe and foolhardy. But now, up here, away from everyone and everything, with the strong ocean wind in her face that made her eyes water, this was the closest she could come to freedom, to flying. As she stared off into the unending horizon she sent out her thoughts and prayers to her family and friends in their faraway lands.

Her thoughts flew first to her father in the South Pole, rebuilding the tribe with the help of some waterbenders from the north. To her brother and Suki, who were expecting their third child on Kyoshi Island. Thinking of Sokka always made Katara smile. Suki kept him on his toes, and he loved his two daughters more than life itself. Katara was so grateful that her nieces could grow up proud and strong in this time of peace. Katara was smiling to herself, remembering her brothers last visit and how she and her nieces had completely trounced Sokka in a snowball fight (hey, she'd only used her bending a little! Honest!). She sighed as her meditation was broken, hearing the rapid patter of small feet coming up the ice steps behind her.

"Sifu Katara! Sifu Katara!"

"Yes Gana, what is it?" Taking a deep breath, Katara turned and gracefully stepped off her makeshift seat. After returning the wall to its original form she faced her protégé her face impassive. Gana reminded her of herself at that age, curious, willful and stubborn. _Who am I kidding_ she mused, _I'm still those things_. Gana finally caught her breath from racing up the stairs "there's a…a message for you Sifu Katara, down at the Palace. It just arrived by messenger hawk, and it has a Fire Nation Seal on it!" Gana gasped the last bit, her eyes as large as moonstones. Katara started down the steps frowning and thinking hard. She sometimes received letters from her friends in other nations, from Aang and Toph and even occasionally from Zuko, but those letters came by cargo ship with the rest of the mail and were not official by any means. Only the Chief received messages by messenger hawk since he was concerned with the status of the other nations, as well as his own. Gana fell into step beside Katara "who do you think it's from Sifu Katara?"

"I really don't know Gana." _But I have some ideas_ she thought with some worry. Why would Zuko send her a message via messenger hawk? She quickly retied her hair, which had been flowing freely in the breeze, back into her respectable teachers knot. It made her headache return almost immediately. Katara sighed and frowned again. She would have to play this very carefully. Arnook, the tribe Chief was generally on her side, and had granted her freedoms that normally wouldn't be allowed, like living alone, remaining unmarried and above all, allowing her to teach Waterbending. The rest of the Council members however, were not so forgiving of her… independence. It was becoming clear to Katara, that while she was a Master Waterbender, and one of the best fighters and healers the tribe had seen in a century, she simply didn't belong here.

They finally reached the main entrance to the palace and Gana bowed and remained on the stairs fidgeting. Katara squared her shoulders and marched in, head held high because like a pack of jackal-wolves, Katara knew the Council could smell fear.

"Chief Arnook" She bowed deeply out of respect. She half turned and bowed (though not as deeply) "Esteemed members of the Council."

"Sifu Katara" Chief Arnook replied, his face a mask, but his eyes sparkled with good humor.

"You summoned me?"

"Yes, it seems you have a personal message from the Fire Nation that arrived today by messenger hawk."

He held up the roll of parchment, official seal unbroken. Katara noted this with some relief. At least they still had respected her privacy.

"Incidentally" he continued "I too received a message from the Fire Nation today, and it seems that Fire Lord Zuko and the Avatar are making their way here as we speak."

Katara gasped at him in surprise and stared openly. Chief Arnook continued softly, "They come to request the aid of the best healers in the world."

Katara was still reeling from this news when the Council pounced.

"It is a plot against us! If the Fire Lord were gravely ill we would have heard about it from our ambassadors!"

Chief Arnook rebuked "It is not a very good plot if they announce their intentions from the beginning."

The Councilman bristled. "It could be a conspiracy to weaken us. She could be a spy for the Fire Nation! We must read her letter to be sure!" His eyes gleamed maniacally and Katara's fledgling anxiety over her friends melted into white hot rage.

"How dare you!" she spluttered, and the floor beneath her cracked ominously.

Chief Arnook held up a hand placating. "Fine. In the interest of security I will read Sifu Katara's letter." Katara whirled to face him, utter shock on her face while several of the Councilmen looked pleased.

"However since I do not want to create an air of paranoia, that some will be watched while others are not, I will read ALL correspondence that comes to our kingdom, including those meant for our Master Bending Instructors." He inclined his head to her "and to our esteemed council members. I would hate to be accused of being unfair."

He stood before the Council, his face impassive and Katara stood next to him with her face also a mask of neutrality but on the inside she was laughing. The Council buzzed like angry gnat-flies until finally Councilman Genn stood and silenced the rest.

"We have decided that we may have been hasty in our pronouncement of intent to read Sifu Katara's personal message. We agree that every member of the tribe, no matter their position should be granted basic privacies."

Chief Arnook nodded gravely. "I must say I am inclined to agree, and I for one trust Sifu Katara to bring to my attention anything that might threaten the safety of our people." He looked at her meaningfully as he handed her the message.

Katara nodded "Of course Chief Arnook. Did you need me for anything else?"

"No, I believe that will be all Sifu Katara."

Katara bowed deeply because contrary to popular belief, she actually did respect Chief Arnook and she was fully aware that he had supported her…again.

As Katara walked into her apartment, she was reminded of another time Chief Arnook had supported her and won. Technically as an unmarried woman she wasn't supposed to be living alone, but he made it clear that her Master Waterbender status outweighed her status as a female, and wouldn't a young, unwed male waterbending master be afforded his own apartment? The Council had grudgingly allowed it, but she was still viewed with suspicion because she was allowed to live alone, especially by the elder women of the tribe.

Katara placed the letter on her small kitchen table and circled the room, lighting the fire and lamps, putting her coat away when it started warming up. All the while she kept glancing at the letter like it was a spider-scorpion about to strike. Finally with all her chores complete and with no further excuses she sat at the table and broke the wax seal with trembling fingers. Katara was shocked to find not Zuko's loose scrawl, but the orderly script of General Iroh.

_Dearest Katara,_

_I write this letter with a heavy heart, beseeching you not as a General, or a fellow Master Bender, but as a friend. Zuko is gravely ill and without your intercession I fear for his life. Our healers are baffled here, so I have summoned the Avatar with the hopes that he will fly Zuko to the North Pole. I fear I have failed him, because I only recently found out about this illness that has been plaguing him for the last six years._

_There is no way for me to be certain, but I dread the thought that this illness stems from the injury Azula dealt him during their duel, and that this is not a physical injury but a spiritual one. You were the only other person there when he received this wound, and since you saved him once, I'm convinced that you will be the one to save him again. Zuko has been suffering pains in his chest that are worsened by the full moon. Last full moon I found him collapsed and unconscious on the beach. Even he admitted it was the worst attack yet. I honestly do not know if he will survive the next full moon. It is my deepest hope that between your healing abilities and the Avatar's wisdom, Zuko can be saved._

_Respectfully,_

_Iroh_

Katara sat heavily on her bed, her normally tan skin a sickly shade of grey. So what Chief Arnook had said was true. Zuko and Aang were coming to the North Pole and Zuko was…dying. Her mind tried to grasp the concept and couldn't, the thought slipping away like and eel-fish. She instead focused on her memories of the last time she had seen Zuko. It was roughly three years ago at a State Dinner in the Earth Kingdom that she had attended with a contingent of waterbenders representing the North Pole.

She searched the memories trying to remember if Zuko had looked ill, but all her treacherous thoughts could focus on was how tall and…handsome he looked in his crimson formal robes at dinner. She remembered after the dinner and the formalities were through, she, Zuko, Aang and Toph had met on a secluded balcony and shared a bottle of Fire whiskey and stories of the past. She remembered how Zuko's guard had finally come down, and he had laughed and reminisced with them.

Katara blushed as she remembered the private conversation she and Zuko had shared after Toph and Aang had headed to their respective rooms. Zuko had looked at her, surprised that Aang was leaving without her, but remained silent until they were alone. "So are you and Aang still…"

"No!...no we are no longer together. We haven't been for a long time." She finished softly. Glancing at him she saw him lounging against a column with his glass of Fire whiskey and regarding her with a puzzled expression in his amber eyes. She sighed and went to stand next to him, leaning against the railing of the balcony, breathing in the warm air of the night, the strong scents of the Fire Nation around her, jasmine blooming nearby, the salt of the ocean, the spiced drink in the etched tumbler in her hands.

"Aang and I…It took a while, but I finally realized that no matter what I did, I couldn't…wouldn't love him the way he loved me. I did love him, but the way he would look at me, with such passion and amazement…I never felt that way. It was actually your uncle who opened my eyes to the fact that I had to end it between us." Zuko raised his eyebrows at this, but said nothing.

"He must have seen something when Aang and I were together, because he took me aside one afternoon and told me that not only was I being unfair to myself, but I was also being unfair to Aang." Katara closed her eyes at this, even though the events were years old, they were still painful memories when she visited them. "I asked how I could be hurting Aang when I was giving him exactly what he wanted, namely, being with me." Iroh said "don't you think he deserves to be with someone who loves him back equally, with the same fervor that he feels for you?"

"It wasn't long after that conversation that I ended it with Aang. Not so much for myself, though I will admit to feeling relieved, but for him, because what Master Iroh said was the truth, I was keeping Aang from being with someone who loved him the way he deserves to be loved. Aang was shocked of course, and it was difficult at first. But I think we've come through to the other side, and we're friends again." She took a large swallow of her whisky and coughed. Turning to Zuko she asked quietly. "What about you? What about Mai?"

Zuko took a sip of his own drink and his eyes became distant and hard. "Mai was…more in love with the idea of me than the actual me. She loved the idea of being with Fire Lord Zuko, but found being with regular Zuko, trying. She also fell in love with me at a time when I was in a very dark place, and very angry. I think since she has such a hard time expressing her emotions, she loved that I would let my anger and rage flow. Accepting the Avatar and peace, changed me. My battle with Azula changed me even more. She ended it after a while, but not before telling me what a disappointment I was."

He laughed mirthlessly into his glass as he took another swallow. "Last I heard her parents arranged a marriage for her to one of the Barons." Zuko looked out over the misty jungle of his home. Katara eyed his profile thoughtfully. "And since then?"

Zuko stood abruptly, his face losing all expression. "I've been too busy. I'm sorry Katara, I must retire for the evening, we have an early morning with the diplomats you know." He bowed low out of respect, and she smirked and bowed back. "Goodnight Zuko."

His face didn't change expression as he quickly left through the wide open glass doors at the back of the balcony. Katara watched him go with some confusion, finished her last swallow of Fire whisky, savoring the warm burn down her throat and headed to her own guest quarters.

Katara gasped at the end of the memory. She had always thought it strange how quickly Zuko had left the balcony, especially after such an intimate conversation. What if, what if he was starting to have one of his attacks and he had left because of that? She remembered clearly how his face had lost all expression, and how hard his eyes looked. She shuddered. He had almost looked like the Zuko of old, so angry and lost.

She scrunched her eyes closed as she tried to remember him the next day. Had he seemed paler? Maybe. She snorted, he was so pale to begin with, how would she tell. He had seemed his old self speaking with the diplomats, but his eyes held a wariness around her that wasn't there the night before. "I bet he wondered if he had given anything away." She whispered to herself. The more she thought about it the more firmly she believed that he had suffered an attack that night, and he had hidden it from her. This thought saddened her greatly. She was of two conflicting minds. Didn't he know that she would have done anything to help him? On the other hand she knew that by then he had been hiding his condition for years, and it was probably habit more than anything that kept him from asking her for help.

"Well." She said briskly as she stood and rolled the letter up neatly and put the caps back on the end. "He'll have my help now whether he likes it or not."

As Katara made herself dinner she was lost in memories of her time in the Fire Nation, of her times with Zuko and with Aang. She was looking forward to seeing both of them; she hadn't been lying to Zuko when she told him that she and Aang were friends. She had seen Aang six months ago when he made his routine visit to the North Pole as the Avatar. They had shared a meal and much laughter together. She rolled her eyes, of course the older women of the tribe had tutted about her having a man in her apartment…alone…even if it was the Avatar and NOTHING had happened except two friends sharing dinner.

Katara shook her head and sliced the sea prunes with a little more force than necessary. If she was honest with herself, she had almost had it with this place, with its backwards thinking and ancient ways. Sure she had made a difference and the women of the tribe now had more rights than they ever had, but spirits she was so tired of fighting. Where would she go? Kyoshi Island maybe, and stay with her brother and Suki. Women definitely were respected there. Or maybe back to the South Pole, and help her father rebuild.

She sighed and scooped the sea prunes and onions into a pot for stew. She was also tired of being cold all the time. It was fine if that was all you knew, like some of these people, but she remembered the Fire Nation, with its blazing sun and its warm humid nights, cool sandy beaches and green…she missed green trees. Maybe she would leave when…when Zuko got better, as an ambassador to the Fire Nation. She snickered out loud. Oh the scandal it would cause! Her leaving with the Fire Lord and the Avatar!

Her thoughts sobered quickly as she sat in her kitchen and ate her simple meal. In order for her to leave with Zuko and Aang, Zuko would have to survive. She looked out her apartment window to the black ocean beyond, and the moonless night. How soon would they get here? And could she save Zuko before the next full moon?


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to all my faithful readers. I know it's been a while between posts, but my new life is finally settling down to where I feel like myself again. This chapter is longer than the previous, but I wanted to complete this arc and I just couldn't see a good place to cut it off. Reviews are always appreciated. This is un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Avatar, Nickelodeon does. I am making no profit from this, only getting it out of my head so it will leave me alone! Dang those plot bunnies are persistent!

Chapter 4

Aang glanced back from his customary seat on Appa's neck toward the saddle. With more than a little worry he took in his friend's pale, emaciated form, sleeping deeply against the provisions the Fire Nation had gladly provided for their journey. It was like a switch had been flipped inside Zuko, and since he no longer had to keep up pretenses, he gave in to the exhaustion he had been fighting off for years. For the last four days they had been making their way up the coast of the Earth Kingdom, flying at first light until the sun set and making camp on the white sandy beaches. Zuko had slept for much of the journey, both at night and during the day. He would wake to eat a meal with Aang or converse for a while, but then the pull would be too great and he would crawl back to the nest he had fashioned in Appa's saddle and sleep more. Aang hoped the sleep was restorative, and not a sign of Zuko weakening.

Zuko still would rouse first and do his morning training out by the water, and a couple of times Aang had joined him during the Firebending forms. Aang didn't miss the pain in his friend's eyes when clean yellow flames leapt from his hands and feet during their exercises, while Zuko's remained cold and dark. Thankfully General Iroh had warned Aang that Zuko had lost the ability to firebend as part of his illness, so Aang wasn't too shocked.

Aang couldn't imagine being unable to bend, especially if he couldn't Airbend…he shuddered. But Aang knew Zuko, and the last thing he would want was pity. No, they were going to find a solution to this problem, heal him and move on. Tonight would be different Aang thought resolutely; tonight he would take steps towards figuring out what was wrong with Zuko. General Iroh postulated in his message to Aang that Zuko's affliction was some sort of spiritual wound. Who better to figure it out than the Avatar: Spiritual Liaison? Aang had a couple of ideas about how he wanted to proceed, but he would need Zuko's cooperation.

After they had landed for the night and set up their small camp on a cove beach surrounded by boulders and a pine forest, Aang broached the subject he had been pondering all day while flying. "Zuko, I know it has been very frustrating for you, not knowing what's wrong…" Zuko rolled his eyes at Aang and snorted in derisive agreement while he continued to eat his bread and soup. "But I was wondering if tonight you would allow me to try a few things that might bring us closer to understanding your ailment." Zuko's eyes whipped up from his meal, keenly interested. "I honestly hadn't really thought about trying anything while we were traveling, but I'll try anything, if it means I can know what's wrong with me." Aang nodded to him and they finished their meals in silence, both thinking long and hard about what was to come.

Finally Aang put his bowl down, stood and walked away from the campfire toward the ocean. He stopped and stared out across the vast expanse, the waves calmly lapping onto the shore. Zuko stood and quietly followed him, unwilling to break Aang's concentration. Aang finally turned "Zuko, above all I want you to trust me, and trust that I truly do have your best interests at heart." Zuko eyed Aang thoughtfully as he stood facing his friend. "Of course I trust you."

"Good. Then take the fire from my hand." Aang swirled his wrist and had a tiny yellow flame dancing in his palm. Zuko blanched. "I can't…I can't firebend. I thought Uncle told you. I haven't been able to for…"

"Zuko" Aang interrupted "Iroh told me everything. He told me how you can't _make_ fire. I want to see if you can still _control_ fire. Please trust me, and know that I won't allow you to be harmed."

Zuko nodded sharply, and held out his cupped hands to Aang. This was an exercise for children, and he remembered long ago going through the same process with Aang when he was teaching him how to firebend. You had to learn how to control fire before you could make fire. Aang gently brought his palm over Zuko's hands and placed the tiny flame in them. Zuko watched in rapt fascination as the flame sputtered…waned and almost died, when suddenly he felt it connect and unlock the part of himself that was a Firebender, and it flared to life - bright yellow and clean.

Aang stood back and watched as his friend held the flame as if it was the most precious thing ever. "How" Zuko rasped with silent tears streaking down his cheeks, "How did you know I would be able to do this?"

"I didn't. I hoped you would still be able to…but I didn't know for sure."

Zuko just stared at the tiny flame in his palms, reveling in the feel of it, the tiny fluttering that mirrored his own heartbeat, like a small life in his hands. _Spirits how he had missed this! How he had ached for this!_ When he had realized he could no longer firebend it was like he was missing a limb. He couldn't even talk to anyone about it, or express his rage and sadness at what was happening to him, because no one would understand. _Well_, he thought bitterly, _there was one person who would understand the horror of losing his bending_, but he preferred not to think of his father if he could help it.

So he had faced it alone. He had raged on that isolated beach, yelling and attempting to bend until he would collapse in exhaustion. Finally he had slowly accepted it and still went through his Firebending forms, but he always felt dead inside when he would kick or punch and nothing would happen. And now this, this gift Aang had given him that made him feel alive again, made him feel hope for the first time in years…how could he ever repay that?

Zuko looked up and Aang was grinning at him in pure delight "you're welcome."

Zuko slowly grinned back, and then laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. "Zuko there's something else I want to try; will you put out the flame and join me?" Aang had waded out into the ocean until the gentle waves were lapping at his knees. He beckoned Zuko toward him. Though it made his heart ache to do so, Zuko softly extinguished the flame and waded out into the cool water to join his friend. "Zuko, General Iroh told me about your last attack, about how you said you could feel the moon, the ocean, the push and pull?" Zuko nodded mutely. "I want to see if you can feel that now. Will you try for me?"

"I'll try, but I don't really know what I'm feeling for. Before the moon was full and the feelings just overwhelmed me."

"It will be hard for you, because you're a Firebender, and you're the one kind of bender that your gift comes from within. The rest of the bending world…our gift, our element is external. You have to feel inside and outside of yourself, the weight of the water, the ocean, the push and pull inside of you, all around you…"

Zuko, used to meditation, let himself fall into a light trance with Aang's soft words. It was easier than he thought it would be, with the waves lapping rhythmically against his shins, his breathing in and out steadily matching this ancient rhythm, a rhythm of life. Suddenly he felt it, the sheer weight of it. The water was surrounding him, pushing and pulling something inside of him, deep within his core.

So accustomed to the weightlessness of Firebending, of it being created from within his very breath, he gasped at the difference. This felt like it was in his skin, in his belly, all around. He panted, barely able to breathe for the weight pressing down on him "Aang! I feel it! There!" he whirled to Aang who was standing at his side, his mouth in a firm line. Nodding once, Aang spoke slowly. "Zuko, I have one last thing I want you to try tonight. I want you to try a simple bending move with me…a waterbending move."

Zuko's eyebrows shot towards his hairline. "You want me to Waterbend? I can't even Firebend and you think I can Waterbend?" his voice raised with barely contained panic. If he, a born and raised Firebender suddenly could Waterbend, it would go against everything he was raised to believe, everything he thought he knew about the bending arts, everything he knew about himself. Aang turned to Zuko and rested a callused hand on his shoulder, feeling the tremors of Zuko's shock.

His gaze sympathetic he began softly "Zuko, I don't know if you will be able to Waterbend, it's just an idea I have. If you can't, fine. But if you can, I think it will bring us one step closer to knowing what's happening to you. Please try?" Zuko stood with his eyes closed and tried to get a grasp on his ragged breathing. He nodded his acquiescence, and centered his stance in the ocean once again. He found that place inside his core, the push and pull faster this time, like a pathway was already being carved in his soul. "Okay", he whispered barely audible above the splash of the waves on the beach, "now what"

"Now open your eyes, and move like this." Aang demonstrated the basic push - pull move that he had learned so long ago with Katara, and had been relearning every time he came back as the Avatar. Zuko copied the move almost effortlessly, years of martial arts training not for nothing. At first he felt nothing, and he was almost relieved, but then something caught, like a hook in a latch and he felt the weight of the water, around him, within him begin to move…shift and flow at his command. It was a rough start, and it took all his concentration to affect the waves at all, but once he gained some momentum, he began moving the waves around him to his rhythm.

A slew of emotions hit him at once, joy at accomplishing a feat of Bending; when he hadn't been able to in so long. Fear because he was bending an element he wasn't supposed be able to. Pride that he had done it so quickly, combined with panic that he had done it so quickly. Zuko barely had time to process these emotions when something inside him slipped, and then ripped loose. He didn't even have the breath to scream; he just gasped and collapsed to his knees, the world around him whiting out to the focus of the sharp pain deep within, where the tear was. He didn't feel Aang holding him up or hear him calling his name as the roar of the ocean became complete and overtook him.

Aang watched in horror as Zuko collapsed in the shallow water gasping. Aang made it to him before he could fall completely in the water, and he watched as Zuko fell completely unconscious, his eyes rolling up in to his head. Aang half carried, half dragged Zuko back to the fire. Using waterbending he dried Zuko then himself against the nights chill. Zuko remained unconscious, and in spite of his efforts began to shiver, high pink marks on his cheeks of a fever setting in. Aang paced, his normal inner calm all but forgotten. Spirits! He needed answers now! Resolved on his course, he tucked a blanket securely around his friend's shoulders and went and sat on the opposite side of the fire. He now had enough information (he hoped) to bring to his past lives, to see if they had ever encountered something like this.

Aang sat down cross-legged in the sand and took a deep breath to relax. Closing his eyes he centered himself and searched for the conduit inside his soul that would lead to his previous lives. Over the years he had become quite practiced at this and the hallways of his mind were warm and familiar. He felt the customary tug on his own soul and opened his eyes to face the glowing blue specter of Avatar Roku. Bowing his head out of respect for his friend and mentor he quickly outlined everything he knew about Zuko's illness and what they had discovered tonight. Roku's eyebrows traveled to his hairline as Aang described asking Zuko to attempt waterbending, and then watching as the young Fire Lord accomplished the task. Being raised as a Firebender himself, Avatar Roku couldn't imagine the turmoil that Zuko was going through.

"What you have described to me is amazing Avatar Aang, but unfortunately I have never heard of such an affliction in my time. I will ask you to watch over Fire Lord Zuko carefully, I fear for his very soul. While you and I are accustomed to bending all of the elements, the rest of the world is not. To suddenly be able to bend more than one's own element would be…terrifying."

Aang glanced back over at Zuko's sleeping form. "I will do everything I can to help him. Thank you Avatar Roku." Aang bowed again and brought his fist to his palm. Avatar Roku's translucent form nodded once and dissipated into the salty sea air. Aang sighed and stared out across the black ocean waters. A phrase Avatar Roku had said was bothering him. "In my time…" Aang thought about his own time, and that of Avatar Roku's. They were divided by war, nation pitted against nation. _Nations…Spirits! That was it!_ He needed to go back, farther back than he had ever gone before, to a time he had only read about in ancient lore, when there were no nations, and everyone shared the land and sea and air.

Resolved Aang stood up and banked the fire with wood and took a deep drink of water from one of their freshly filled skins. He had no idea how long it would take for him to search that far into the past, but he wanted to make sure Zuko would be alright. Patting Appa on the nose he made a soft request. "Keep an eye on him for me boy?" Appa blinked slowly at him and rumbled his assent.

Aang sat by the fire once again, and searched for that place inside himself where his past lives existed. This time he concentrated on making his mental surroundings more concrete. He grasped onto the image of a long hallway with doors, stretching off into the distance. Looking carefully to his right he read the name above the first door: Roku. Taking a few steps he came to the second door: Kyoshi. His mouth set in a determined line he took off at a sprint down the hallway, passing innumerable doors until he noticed the hallway began to change. Instead of the fine woods and carpets with lights in sconces he had decorated with, the floor and walls turned to stone, becoming more ancient looking. Grinning now Aang raced along even further until the floor was packed earth, and the doorways were roughly hewn logs. Stopping and taking in his surroundings, Aang walked up to the nearest door marked _Danar_, took a deep breath a walked through.

Expecting the familiar tug of a former life appearing before him, Aang was shocked when he felt a great deep pull start inside him that wrenched a gasp from his lips. It was a slow and excruciatingly painful ache deep in his bones, as he felt the ancient spirit being drawn into his own time. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists as he felt his own life force being tapped. A deep thrumming began around him, coming from the earth itself that began to pick up pace until it was the same rhythm as his frantically beating heart. Finally when Aang didn't think he could take any more, the threshold breached and he was surrounded by light.

When Aang opened his eyes, he had no idea how long he had been out. It was still dark and the stars continued their dance above him. Turning his head to the side he saw the fire had burned down by nearly half, and Zuko had rolled himself over. _So out for a while_ he mused to himself. Sitting up slowly he groaned. Every joint in his body was voicing its protest to the movement, and he could feel sand sticking to his skin where he had been sweating. Glancing down at his palms he grimaced. They were coated with sand and dried blood where his fingernails had punctured his skin. Working his way to his feet, he stood swaying, gulping the cool ocean air like a fish-eel.

"You summoned me, Avatar?"

Aang whirled around as though shocked by lightning. There on the beach was the pale apparition of a young woman dressed in light robes, transparent and glowing almost white. Aang cleared his throat, brushed as much of the sand off that he could quickly, stood before her and bowed. "I am Avatar Aang of the Air Nation, and I did summon you."

She smiled and bowed back. "I am Avatar Danar of the Misty Mountains. But you can just call me Danar. How can I help you?"

Aang felt he should deal with the most important question first, the reason he had reached back so far. "Danar, in your time, were there separate nations of Benders, each divided by the element they commanded?"

Danar tilted her head at him looking puzzled. "What would be the purpose of that? How would you solve the problems you encountered? We all live together sharing our gifts and talents to better the village.

Aang persisted. "What do you mean by 'how would I solve the problems I encountered'"

She slowly replied "If I need a new building I would go to an Earthbender, if I need my crops irrigated, or my wound healed I go to a Waterbender. If I need a new metal dish or oven, I go to a Firebender for no one is as skilled at heating and working metals."

"And why would you go to an Airbender?" Aang asked his curiosity piqued.

"They are the keepers of the ancient lore, they maintain the Balance…and if I wanted to play a round of Air-Sling!" she grinned at him, and he found himself grinning back.

"Danar, I need your help. I have a friend who is…was a Firebender. He was gravely injured six years ago, and now he can no longer Firebend. He is struck down by great pains in his chest on the full moon, and tonight I discovered not only can he feel the push and pull of the ocean, but he can Waterbend. I taught him a basic waterbending move, and he could do it, for a while…then he groaned in agony and collapsed. In my time it is unheard of that a bender of one element can suddenly bend another."

Danar pursed her lips and looked out across the ocean. "It sounds as though he is bound, but not truly. Tell me; is his Life – Beloved a Waterbender?"

Aang blinked at her. "His life what? No Zuko is not married, or with anyone that I know of."

She rounded on him. "He is not with his Life-Beloved? But how could this happen without him consenting…" She stopped suddenly and furrowed her brow thinking hard. "It is possible" she murmured.

"What's possible?" Aang wanted to grab the woman and shake her, make her share all the thoughts he could see racing through her mind.

"Tell me Aang, when your friend was injured six years ago, did he die?"

Aang thought back to that fateful day when everything had changed. He had never really asked Zuko or Katara for details about what had happened with Azula. They had told him the basics about the Agni-kai, and how Zuko had taken the lightning bolt instead of Katara, and how Katara had saved him. When he thought about the wound on Zuko's chest and how pale Katara had been for days afterward… "I don't know. I wasn't there, but seeing the wound he received I believe he could have." Aang shuddered; thinking of what his world would have lost if that had come to pass.

"Here is what I think has happened Avatar Aang. In my time it is common knowledge that the Avatar's soul is not the only one reborn. There are pairs of souls throughout the land that are reborn. They are called Life-Beloved. These pairs are always destined to be with each other, they are always great Benders, and they are always of opposing elements: water and fire, earth and air. Once the two persons come of age and they are found to be Life-Beloved, they complete the Binding Ceremony and are joined as they always have been throughout time. Once a Binding is complete they are stronger than when they were alone, with the ability to bend their partner's elements. It is still a rare occurrence in my time for two Life-Beloved souls to find one another across the distances, but I have seen two Binding Ceremonies in my lifetime, one when I was very small, and one a year ago."

Aang thought about this, and asked the first most obvious question: "But Zuko isn't bound to anyone…how can he be one of these ancient souls?"

"I think he is half bound, that when he was mortally injured or dead, his Life-Beloved was there and poured their soul into him to save him. It would save his life, but in the end if balance is not achieved…it will kill him. His body is desperately trying to contain his own ancient spirit, and part of his Life-Beloved's spirit. It cannot continue indefinitely. Only when the two are together, and the Binding Ceremony completed, with both sharing the flow of energy equally will your friend be saved. You must also know, that if he dies, his Life-Beloved will soon follow, for the two cannot be separated in this world or the next."

Aang took a step back gasping. To lose Zuko would be unspeakable, but to lose Zuko and Katara…his mind was reeling.

"Please…tell me" he rasped still in shock, "Tell me about this Binding Ceremony so that I can save my friends."

Danar nodded solemnly and began to speak in earnest, with Aang hanging desperately on to every word.

When Zuko awoke the sun was barely above the horizon and the morning was still crisp and cool. He sat up slowly and took in his surroundings. The campfire had almost burned out, and Appa was still asleep behind him, a behemoth of warmth and protection. Zuko stood slowly and stretched his aching muscles. Taking a long drink from one of their water skins, he let some flow over his face and hair, enjoying its cold bite on his fevered skin. Munching on a biscuit he began searching for Aang, knowing his friend probably hadn't gone far.

Finally spotting him on the edge of their little cove out standing on the rocks he called out to him. When Aang slowly turned to face him, Zuko was shocked by his appearance. Jogging up to his side he examined the Airbender closely. He looked exhausted, with red rimmed eyes and bandages crudely wrapped around both his palms. "Aang, what happened…why are your hands bandaged!"

Aang looked at his hands as though seeing them for the first time. "This is nothing, I'm fine." Aang gestured that they should walk back to Appa. "Well, at least let me redress them while you tell me what happened? I know how difficult it is to bandage your own hands." Zuko pressed.

"Okay" Aang relented.

They sat in the shade while Zuko slowly began unwrapping Aang's palms, leery of what he would find while Aang started talking.

"I went in search of answers last night. I communicated with Avatar Roku about your condition, but he didn't know anything." Zuko bowed his head, pausing momentarily in his ministrations letting the disappointment flow through him. Noticing this, Aang leaned over and grabbed Zuko's shoulder "I'm not done! He did however; give me an idea of who to ask. I had to go back to a time when the Bending Nations didn't exist." He grimaced as Zuko finally revealed his palms, with the deep fingernail marks in them. "It was more challenging than I anticipated reaching that far back" he whispered. Zuko stared in horror at Aang's hands. He knew what the Avatar was capable of, that pain was no stranger to his friend…for something to make him clench his hands that hard must have been…Zuko stood up and backpedaled. Standing at the ocean's edge he hung his head in shame. Not only was his "condition" affecting him, now it had hurt his best friend.

Aang approached Zuko carefully, as though he were a skittish colt. Coming to stand next to him he bumped Zuko's shoulder with his own and stared at his palms ruefully. "Yeah, that wasn't the most fun thing I've done…recently. But I would do it again in an instant if I had to. Spirits Zuko! I will do it again if we need more information…now that I know who to ask." Zuko's eyes met his in shock. Aang rolled his eyes and continued. "You still don't get it do you? I'm your friend! I care about what happens to you. If it came down to it I would die protecting my friends…my family!" Aang finished fiercely.

Zuko was reeling. "But you can't…you're the Avatar… you're so much more important"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Zuko!" Aang blazed his eyes starting to glow blue. "Every life is precious. Even yours. Yes I happen to be the Avatar, but first and foremost I'm Aang, your friend. I consider you my best friend, my brother. What kind of Avatar would I be, what kind of person would I be if I believed myself above everyone, even those I care about most." Aang sighed and Zuko was relieved to see his eyes return to their familiar shade of grey.

"Zuko" Aang whispered tiredly. "I just need some time to think about all the things I've learned. I promise I'll share them with you tonight. Do you think you can fly Appa today? I need to rest. There's one more thing I'd like to try tonight, if you still trust me. But I need to sleep and get my strength back for it." Zuko nodded his assent his heart warmed by Aang's words. "Of course I trust you. I'll fly today and we'll talk tonight. First let's get your hands bandaged properly and something to eat."

As they flew toward the northern horizon, Zuko glanced back at Aang. He was sound asleep wrapped in blankets against the chill. They were definitely making progress in their journey Zuko thought as he wrapped his coat more tightly around him. The air was definitely getting colder. He wouldn't be surprised to see snow soon. Even Appa noticed the change and seemed more energetic. His heavy fur was usually a detriment in the summer months, but here he flew happily, letting Zuko ride on his neck and steer.

Zuko burned with curiosity about the information that Aang had learned, and he would admit to some trepidation as to Aang's newest experiment as his last one had ended with him unconscious on the beach. _But I do trust him, with my life and if this is what it takes, then I'll do it gladly _Zuko thought viciously. _Besides, it's not like I'm the only one who ended up unconscious on the beach this time_. When Zuko had asked Aang how he got sand all over his back, Aang had genuinely laughed and said he had "pulled a Zuko." Zuko had tried to feel bad about it, but with Aang laughing so hard, it was difficult. Mostly Zuko just flew, gazing at the horizon and trying desperately not to hope…because hope was a dangerous thing.

By the time they landed and set up their small camp, Zuko was practically humming with nervous energy. He had a million questions he wanted to ask Aang, but so far he had managed to keep them in. Tonight he would finally have answers, after years of not knowing what was wrong with him, what was happening to him it seemed like Aang was going to come through for him. He glanced anxiously at his friend, who was standing on the edge of the cliff they had settled on, staring out at the ocean.

Aang sighed. He could feel Zuko's tension, and he appreciated that he had been given some space to collect himself. He knew it was only a matter of time before Zuko would confront him for answers. Aang knew he had to do one more thing, and right now he had to breathe and get his nerves under control, or he would never pull it off. Finally feeling calm and centered, he turned back to the camp. "Zuko come here please."

Aang faced his friend grey eyes meeting amber.

"Zuko, I know you must have so many questions for me about what happened yesterday, and what I found out. With what I've learned, I do believe I know what's happening to you, but Zuko I want to be sure before I tell you, because if it is true, it's going to change everything. Will you let me try one more thing?"

"Anything! If it will get us the answers we seek!" Zuko replied vehemently. "What do you want me to do?"

"You don't have to do anything Zuko." Aang swallowed hard and met Zuko's gaze unflinching. "I need to look at your soul."

Zuko's mouth fell open in shock and the irony of the situation was not lost on him. Here he was with the Avatar, up on a rocky cliff with the ocean crashing far below and the sun setting on the horizon. Much like his father…

"I'm not going to lie Zuko, if things are the way I think they are, this could be…unpleasant."

Zuko's innate stubbornness reared at this remark. He had come this far and endured so much, if giving himself, his very soul over to Aang was what it took, then by Agni he was ready.

"Do it." He gritted out, teeth clenched. Aang nodded solemly.

"We should probably kneel, I don't know how this will end, and I've fallen on my face enough recently." Zuko nodded and knelt, Aang joining him. Zuko had never been more aware of his surroundings, the ocean far below, the sun setting to his left, the smell of the pine trees surrounding their camp. He faced Aang and saw for the first time the lines of worry around his mouth that made him look years older than he was. Zuko held out his forearm to his friend, brushing the fabric of his tunic. "Aang, no matter what happens; I just wanted to thank you for being here, and for doing all this for me."

Aang gripped his forearm tightly with his own, and grinned back softly "Anytime. So just…close your eyes and try to relax."

Zuko complied, and Aang looked at him for a moment, kneeling there with his eyes closed arms hanging loosely at his sides and he marveled at the changes he saw in the man before him. Years ago the proud and angry Prince Zuko would never have submitted or made himself vulnerable to anyone. Now he literally trusted Aang with his soul. _Spirits he had to get this right_. Aang placed his left hand on Zuko's chest, his right on Zuko's forehead and closed his own eyes. He could feel the tremors racing through his friend's body, feel his heart pounding, then the Avatar state took over and Aang took a back seat to the raw energy that slammed through him and his friend. Dispassionately the Avatar slashed through Zuko's being until his soul was laid bare before him, glowing with a golden yellow light.

At first glance it seemed pure, flowing and leaping like flame…but there! In the center of the light was a flickering darkened area, like an angry bruise of purple and brown, it was unseemly in the purity of the surrounding yellow. The Avatar State recoiled in disgust but Aang pushed it forward, forcing his own light blue energy to pierce the angry dark area. And then he glimpsed it, only for a moment as the discoloration split for a second, a sparkling cerulean blue tendril of energy coiled in the center of the darkness. Almost like it was hiding. _Enough._ He had seen enough. Pulling back into himself he was slowly aware of being just Aang again. He was on all fours gasping for breath and Zuko was sprawled on his back next to him, pale, sweating and gasping as well. "Well" Zuko croaked after a few minutes. "That wasn't so bad." And Aang would have laughed if he could.

Later when they were wrapped in blankets and huddled against Appa with the campfire in front of them, Aang finally turned to Zuko.

"Zuko…I know what's happened to you..."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note****: This is un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine. No profit was made from this, only the satisfaction of getting it out of my head and onto paper. Also this chapter is definitely AU in terms of certain events surrounding certain Agni-Kai's. This is the longest chapter yet, hope you enjoy. And remember…reviews are to a writer like Conventions are to Trekkies…we live for them ;*) Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and/or fave'd in the past, it really is encouraging. **

**Chapter 5**

Zuko lay awake on the ice, staring up at the stars and listening to Appa's slow rhythmic breathing as the great beast slept nearby. His mind reeled with so many thoughts that finding sleep was difficult. They had left the last remnants of land three days ago and had to spend their nights on the ever increasing ice floes. One thing positive to be said about the expanded cooperation between nations was the fact that the Fire Nation was now much better equipped to face the cold of the North or South Pole. Their last night on land he and Aang had sorted through the supplies and unwrapped thick sealskin coats and blankets, as well as the round metal fire pit. This would allow them to have a fire even on ice. They had a small amount of coal to burn, though the need for speed and potentially overburdening Appa had overcome the need for some creature comforts. Nevertheless, since Zuko's health was their main concern, each night they had a small fire so they could eat at least one hot meal.

Zuko relished those times, staring hungrily into the small flames of the fire pit his mind racing with the knowledge that in spite of everything, he was still a Firebender. He and Aang had attempted no further exercises in Bending, fire or otherwise since that fateful evening on the cliffs. Zuko closed his eyes and threw his forearm over his face suppressing a groan. Aang had spoken that night of incomprehensible things…ancient times, Life-Beloveds, Soul-Bindings. By the time Aang finished Zuko had been spinning with so many different questions and feelings, it had been impossible to put any of them into words. Aang on the other hand, had looked lighter somehow, almost relieved. They had traveled in relative silence since then, each trapped in their own musings of what was to come.

_Tomorrow evening_! Zuko rolled over at the thought and buried his face in his blankets. This time he did groan to himself. _Aang says we arrive at the Northern Water Tribe tomorrow evening, and __She'll__ be there_. How would he feel when he saw her? How was he supposed to feel? Agni he didn't know any more. With nothing really to do on this last leg of their travels but think, Zuko's thoughts had strayed more and more to Katara. In the past, any thoughts or feelings beyond those of friendship had been swiftly suppressed with a fierceness that was almost painful. He needed Aang and Katara's friendship more than he could even admit to himself, and with Aang's affections being so obvious, there was no way he would even consider allowing himself to look at Katara as more than a friend. He had trained himself well and in the end it had worked, he truly did consider her one of his best friends.

According to Aang, he and Katara were meant for each other. Zuko swallowed hard at this thought. The angry stubborn part of himself railed at the idea that once again his destiny was not his own. He scoffed; how could Aang possibly think this ancient lore about Life-Beloveds applied to him and Katara! He sighed and rolled over once more to face the moon and stars. For the first time, possibly ever, he allowed himself to examine his thoughts on Katara as potentially more than a friend…maybe. She was beautiful, that much was obvious, but she was so much more than that. She was fierce, and loyal and brave and intelligent. She could rage one minute and be tender the next. She was a warrior, and a healer. She had a temper, definitely, and a sharp tongue to match. When she turned that piercing blue gaze on him Zuko knew she could see straight through him, through his masks.

A small tendril of fear uncurled slowly in his belly. She was so amazing, and he was so…flawed. His hand unconsciously went to rub at his face. He closed his eyes and placed a hand gently, almost reverently to the aching scar on his chest. If what Aang said was to be believed, a small part of Katara…of her actual _soul_, was there inside him. With little effort he could once again feel the weight of the water around him, the increasingly full moon above him. He didn't try to go any further than that, fearing the consequences but here in these new abilities was some sort of proof that maybe Aang was right. _No_! His mind clamored and he clenched his teeth in frustration_. There has to be some way to undo this, to fix this without her being…obligated to me_. Because Agni knew, she deserved better. Resolutely he rolled away from the ever brightening light of the moon and worked on emptying his mind, slowing his breathing…in and out…in and out.

The next evening Aang brought Appa to rest on a small berg floating in the water just within sight of the imposing walls of ice that marked the outer border of the Northern Water Tribe. Once Appa was settled on a flat area of ice that Aang had pulled from the ocean, Aang turned to Zuko.

"Zuko, we need to talk about what's going to happen next." Zuko visibly flinched but nodded and slowly replied

"I know I've been pretty quiet lately, but I've had a lot to think about." Aang's grey eyes were sympathetic.

"Right. So, do you want to tell Katara what we've learned, or do you want me to?" Zuko blinked at Aang, clearly baffled. He hadn't even thought about the actual process of telling Katara, or what that would be like. He paled visibly considering her possible reactions.

"You better tell her" he rasped, "She might not believe me." Aang peered at Zuko, his expression undecipherable.

"We're nearing the end you know, the full moon is only days away and we're this close to Katara" he gestured at the imposing wall.

"We just have to explain to her what's happened, what needs to happen, and complete the Binding Ceremony." Zuko whirled to face Aang, pale with shock.

"What! No, we can't just expect…I mean, maybe as a last resort…but we should try to…to undo this somehow…without…the Ceremony" He rambled.

Aang's expression hardened as he considered his friend anxiously pacing in front of him.

"Zuko, I don't think we can just 'undo' this, I truly believe the only way to save you" _and Katara_ he amended to himself, because he had kept that little detail to himself…for now, "is to complete the Binding Ceremony."

"No!" Zuko practically shouted, striding and rubbing his chest, which was raw and throbbing almost constantly now. "There has to be another way! I can't…I won't!"

Aang glared at his friend while a thousand thoughts raced through his head. _Spirits, what was this about?! Did Zuko think he was too good for Katara? That he as Fire Lord was above being bound to a mere peasant or some such royal nonsense?_ Aang opened his mouth to defend Katara, the girl he had loved from the moment he saw her, when he stopped himself and truly looked at Zuko. His mouth snapped shut so quickly his jaw ached. The pinched paleness of Zuko's features and the haunted expression in his eyes told Aang immediately that arrogance played no part in Zuko's protests. If anything he looked…afraid. Stepping in front of his friend he firmly grasped Zuko's shoulders.

"Zuko" he said, bending to catch his friend's gaze with his own. "What's wrong, talk to me please?"

"It's just…I can't do that to her…she…she deserves so much more…so much better…" Zuko hung his head in shame, and some relief of finally voicing the dread that had been growing in him for the last few days. Aang could have laughed, but didn't, knowing Zuko would misinterpret the demonstration. He should have known after everything that Zuko would still feel…unworthy.

"Okay Zuko. I'll talk to her, and then we'll let her decide what she can and can't do." Zuko snorted a little at this.

"As if she ever does anything else. She would kill us if she heard this conversation you know, us arguing over her fate." Both men shuddered at the prospect of Katara's wrath.

"And that my friend is why we will never tell her about it." Aang chirped quickly. Zuko nodded back just as quickly. Aang turned slowly to take in the expanse of the wall that guarded the Northern Water Tribe. He had been here about six months ago on an official visit, but this time felt so different, like everything was balanced on the blade of a knife. He turned back to Zuko with a tired grin.

"So Fire Lord Zuko, are you ready to face your official greeting by the Chief and the Council? I'm sure they're all trying to figure out the 'real' reason you've come."

Zuko rolled his eyes and set about pulling his hair up in its customary topknot, complete with his Fire Nation flame. Rubbing his hand across his face he sighed. He hadn't shaved since they started their journey, not really seeing the point, and now he pretty much had a full beard. Aang of course still shaved his head and face every day, which Zuko teased him about mercilessly.

"Aang, can I borrow your razor?"

"Sure" Aang brought over the shaving supplies, and even smoothed an area of ice for him until it reflected perfectly. Zuko grimaced when faced with his own image. He was too pale, the circle under his eye too dark. He was too thin, the cords of muscle on his neck standing out in sharp relief. He carefully shaved his face clean. Forgoing the customary goatee the men of his people normally wore was another way he distanced himself from his father…and grandfather.

He couldn't help but notice that while he still looked like Ozai's son…he also looked about ten years older than he should. Maybe once they figured this mess out he would look, and feel more like himself. Grimacing at that thought his dark sarcasm responded that it had been so long since he had felt like himself, how would he know what he was supposed to feel like? Trading his top layer of clothing for a formal winter Fire Nation robe he allowed his face to set, hardening into its familiar mask: Fire Lord Zuko was now in place. Aang had also changed into his formal winter Avatar robes, his masks also falling into place. Zuko nodded once.

"Let's go."

In the end the Formal Greeting Ceremony and feast passed in a blur for Zuko. He couldn't keep his focus on the room for long. Oh he was certain he was smiling and nodding in all the right places because after some initial discomfort with the Council and the smoothing of some ruffled feathers (handled effortlessly by Aang and Chief Arnook) the evening passed amicably. All he knew was that the pain in his chest was steadily growing as the evening progressed, and _She_ was not there. He must have been showing some fatigue that Aang could see, because it wasn't too long before he felt his friend leading him by the elbow through the crowd, his touch firm and grounding in the swirl of chaos that was Zuko's mind. Then they were outside in the cold sharp air, away from all the people and noise. Zuko gasped as the night air cleared his thoughts, and the ache in his chest took on a pronounced sharpness. He looked up at the nearly full moon suspended above the silver ice, so clear he felt like he could touch it if he tried.

"Aang" he groaned, hating how wrecked he sounded. His friend seemed to sense his impending collapse and his right arm was draped across Aang's strong shoulders.

"We're almost there Zuko, just a bit farther." Aang whispered in his ear. Zuko felt his other arm being pulled across a second set of broad shoulders but he lacked the strength now to even raise his head.

"Where are we staying Sifu Suni?" he heard Aang speak, apparently to the person on his left.

"We have readied an apartment for each of you next to the Healing wing."

"Please move my things in with Fire Lord Zuko. I will be staying with him."

"But Avatar Aang, we have plenty of space to spare, it is not necessary that you…"

"I cannot and will not leave my friend alone right now. I assume there are enough places for us both to sleep in his apartment." The finality in his voice left no room for argument.

"Yes Avatar Aang. We will move your things at once. Is there anything else you require?"

"Yes. Please send for Sifu Katara. I would like her to come to our apartment at once."

"But…at this time of night…a woman in your apartment…" If he had the strength Zuko would have snorted. _Agni how did Katara put up with this day in and day out_. He could feel Aang's shoulder muscles tensing next to him.

"I assure you Sifu Suni that her _honor_ will remain intact, the fact that you are implying otherwise to the Avatar and the Fire Lord of a Master Waterbender who lives in your midst…"

"No! No! I meant no disrespect! She will be fetched at once!"

"Thank you Sifu Suni. To prevent any further misunderstandings, I want it clearly known that we have come a great distance to see Sifu Katara for her unique healing abilities. She will be in our presence from now on, and she will probably sleep in our apartment as well. Is that clear."

Sifu Suni cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "Yes Avatar Aang."

"Good."

They had finally arrived at the apartment and Zuko was led/ dragged through a curtained doorway into a darkened room that was warmed with a small fire pit in the corner. Aang and his helper gently deposited Zuko on a couch of sorts made of skins. He opened his eyes fractionally when he heard the Waterbender leave and stared at Aang, who he could tell was still fuming.

"You know Katara would kick your butt if she was here after that conversation." Aang exhaled loudly and laughed mirthlessly.

"Yeah, but she would kick Sifu Suni's butt first, giving me time to escape." Zuko grinned at that. Aang looked at him with concern written all over his features.

"Come on Zuko; let's get you out of these formal robes while we wait for Katara to show up." Zuko sat up slowly, groaning and began pulling off the heavy layers.

He had managed to strip all the way down and had pulled his soft black pants on and leather boots when there was a soft tinkling of a small bell at the doorway. Aang eyed him meaningfully; glancing at Zuko's state of undress and the heavy curtain of the doorway. Zuko pulled his tunic slowly over his shoulders, but he didn't tie it closed. He was done hiding, done lying. He squared his shoulders to the door, met Aang's eyes and nodded once. Aang nodded slowly in agreement, seeming to understand the unspoken declaration. He turned to the doorway "Come in."

Katara stood outside the apartments next to the Healing wing and tried to calm her breathing. Her worries and fears, based on too little information chased themselves around in her mind like snake-eels. She hadn't slept well since she had received General Iroh's missive. Now they were here; Aang and Zuko in this very apartment, behind this very curtain. They had journeyed so far, so fast, with the hopes that she could heal Zuko. Oh she knew there were other healers here in the Northern Water Tribe that were very competent, but in her heart Katara agreed with General Iroh; that somehow it would come down to her. She gritted her teeth and her eyes flashed. She had never given up before; she sure wasn't going to start now. They would get through this, fix whatever was wrong with Zuko and come out on the other side. Resolved, she pulled doorbell string.

Hearing Aang's soft _come in_ through the heavy seal-turtle skin curtain, Katara pushed it aside and blinked hard, her eyes adjusting to the change from the bright silver glow of the moonlight outside to the warm firelight inside. Seeing Aang's tall slim form in front of her, finally real after all her days and nights of worrying broke something loose inside of her. She flew into his arms and squeezed tightly, clenching her eyes shut against the tears that were forming. Inhaling deeply she was relieved when Aang's arms came to wrap around her shoulders comfortingly. When she finally pulled back she gave a watery chuckle and wiped her eyes.

"Sorry about that, Spirits, I don't know why I'm crying. I've just been so worried about you two." She studied Aang's face, and while he looked tired, he didn't seem worse for wear. He was smiling at her gently.

"It's really good to see you too Katara." She gripped Aang's hands, searching his eyes for any sort of answer or warning. He looked down at her (Spirits! When had he gotten so tall!?) his grey eyes now solemn and…sad. This didn't reassure her one bit. She bit her lip and nodded to him once. He nodded back slowly. Keeping a death grip on his hand, she slowly stepped around him and faced the room and Zuko.

Seeing Zuko for the first time, finally really seeing him; she gasped and unknowingly brought her hands to her mouth, all her thoughts scattering. He stood quietly facing her, pale and thin. His tunic was untied and she could see…she could see his sharp collar bones, all of his ribs, the angry scar on his chest, the hammering of his pulse in his neck. He met her eyes briefly then hung his head. "Katara" he breathed. Suddenly all the fear and worry she had been living with for weeks morphed into cold fury.

"What in the Name of AGNI AND ALL THE DRAGON MASTERS WERE YOU THINKING ZUKO! KEEPING THIS SICKNESS TO YOURSELF!" Zuko and Aang both flinched at Katara's swearing…and the fact that the floor and wall cracked ominously under her.

She crossed the room without knowing how, and shoved him "WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO? JUST WASTE AWAY AND DIE ALONE!? ARE YOU STILL PUNISHING YOURSELF FOR YOUR PAST MISTAKES? MISTAKES BY THE WAY THAT YOU HAVE LONG BEEN FORGIVEN FOR!? DID YOU EVEN THINK WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO US? She gestured to Aang behind her "TO YOUR UNCLE? WE WOULD HAVE BEEN LEFT BEHIND WONDERING IF ONLY WE HAD KNOWN WHAT WAS HAPPENING, MAYBE WE COULD HAVE HELPED!"

The tears that had started with Aang were now flowing freely down her cheeks. And then he was there, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She struggled momentarily, still infuriated. And then just like that, the anger was gone and she was unbelievably drained. Sniffing, she slowly wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her nose in the crook of his neck. She could feel the tremors wracking his body, smell the sweat of fever on him. _How had he known this was exactly what she needed_? He rubbed her back soothingly, his other hand tangling almost instinctively into her thick tresses.

"I'm sorry" he whispered into her ear. "I've had a long time to…get used to the idea of what's happening to me. I should have given you more warning, but I'm so tired of hiding…of lying to the people I care about." She nodded against him, forgiving him instantly. She could feel his tremors increasing and she pulled back to look up at him.

"Zuko?"

"I…I think I need to lie down." He managed to croak, swaying dangerously. Aang was at their side in an instant, his hands on Zuko's shoulders.

"Let's get him into bed." Aang said firmly. Katara nodded and they each took an arm. Zuko was unconscious before they maneuvered him into the pile of soft furs in a bedroom. Covering him with another fur, Katara could feel her mind scrambling around with new worries. She pulled the water from the skin at her hip and gloved her hands, intent on healing Zuko now, enough was enough. She was startled when Aang grabbed her wrist stopping her.

"Katara don't."

"What? Why not? Isn't this why you're here?" she rounded on him, her hands glowing with the soft blue light of her power.

"I don't know…I don't know what will happen if _you_ try to heal him like that. Are there any other healers here with a similar gift?"

Eyeing Aang speculatively, she let the water on her hands flow back into the skin. Now the silver moonlight filtering in through the window was their only light.

"There are two others, Milani and Elana. Elana is elderly though, I don't know if she has the strength for an illness as progressed as Zuko's."

"Could you send for Milani?"

"Of course." Still staring at Aang suspiciously Katara quickly checked Zuko over, reassuring herself that while he was feverish, and his heart was racing he didn't seem to be in immediate danger. They both left the bedroom in silence. Katara went outside to find a sentry to send for Milani. When she came back in her cheeks were pink from the cold.

"Milani will be here shortly. Do you want some tea while we wait?"

"That would be great Katara."

Removing her coat and wrappings, she headed for the kitchen area, intent on making some tea to calm her nerves. She felt Aang follow her and seat himself at the small table. He remained quiet, letting her collect herself after everything, and for this she was unspeakably grateful. The familiar process of boiling the water and pinching out the tea leaves gave her time to breath, the threads of her control settling back into place. She gave Aang a steaming mug and sat down across from him. Aang let her have a few drinks before he leaned forward and began.

"Katara, there are many things I need to tell you, but I want to begin first by asking you to tell me something. I think it will give us a more complete picture of what's happening, and then I will fill in the rest."

Gripping her mug more tightly Katara glared at him; she wanted answers now but knowing Aang wouldn't ask without a very good reason she gritted out "Of course, what do you want to know?"

"Tell me about the Agni-Kai. Tell me what really happened when Zuko took Azula's lightning bolt."

Katara blinked, not expecting this question. She cleared her throat and began softly; "it was the day of Sozin's Comet…"

_The smell of burning was everywhere, the crackling of powerful flames all around her. She watched helplessly as Zuko battled his sister with a power from the comet that she couldn't begin to understand. Finally Azula was crumbling, her edges fraying when Zuko made the fateful taunt. "What's the matter, no lightning today? Afraid I'll redirect it?" Even in her maddened state Azula easily began conjuring lightning, a feat Katara knew Zuko had never been able to master. Katara ran forward afraid for Zuko, drawing Azula's fanatical gaze to her. Before she could breathe, the deadly bolt had left Azula's fingertips, headed not for Zuko, but straight for her. Then he was there, in between, catching the brunt of the force unprepared. She watched, her mind struggling to comprehend what had just happened, as he collapsed twitching and sparking in front of her. She would have helped him immediately, racing toward him with her hands gloved in healing water but Azula was in the way with flames and manic laughter._

_ Azula didn't go down easy. It had taken all of Katara's skills as a Waterbender to avoid Azula's lightning bolts and flames. In a final desperate plan that would have made her brother proud she trapped herself and the Fire Princess in ice, and released them both only when Azula was chained tightly to the floor. Racing to Zuko's side, she feared the worst. Rolling him over, she found he was breathing, but that relief was short-lived when she sensed his heart. It was racing irregularly in his chest, stuttering like an injured bird. She pressed her hand hard to his chest and felt his heart falter once, twice and then nothing. He gasped once more and stopped breathing. She had frantically tried to heal him, her hands glowing brighter than she had ever seen them. To her horror even when the majority of the physical damage had been repaired, his heart wouldn't beat, and somehow she knew it was because the lightning had damaged the muscle too badly._

_ She had lost it then. Sobbing uncontrollably, she collapsed onto the dead prince's chest, his golden eyes staring up into the infinity of the burning night sky. She couldn't believe the unfairness of it all, that Zuko would have to give everything and Azula would win. She knew in her heart that the only way they could build a lasting peace was if Aang had Zuko by his side, ruling the Fire Nation. Now all was lost. She sat up and screamed at the sky her neck cording in agony from the effort. She raged at the loss of her mother, the loss of her father to the demands of the war, the loss of her childhood, and now this obscenity - the loss of one of her best friends._

_In that moment she felt something deep in her chest wrench and then split loose. Heat raced down her arms which were still planted on Zuko's unmoving ribs. Looking down she was astonished to see her hands glowing white on his pale skin, but without any water to speak of. She felt a dizzying pouring sensation rushing from her core down her arms. Just when she didn't think she could lose any more of whatever she was losing, the flow stopped. Her hands stopped glowing and she slowly removed them. She felt like she had been thoroughly beaten over every inch of her body, but she couldn't hide her tearful relief when Zuko took a sharp stuttering breath and his eyes fluttered open to meet hers. "Thank you Katara."_

"He didn't remember what happened…and I never told him the truth. That he died saving me. I don't know what happened that day, but I do know I was exhausted for a week afterwards. No one really noticed because well, we were all exhausted weren't we. I haven't really thought about it since then, so much happened right after that, and Zuko was alive. But now I guess something did happen…isn't that why you're asking?"

Aang stared at her with a mixture of relief and incredulity. It was like all the puzzle pieces were slipping into place right before his eyes. It almost seemed…too easy. _Right_ he thought with sarcasm that Sokka would be proud of _Easy, all I have to do is convince the two most stubborn people I know that their fates were determined long before they were born. That should be easy enough_. Katara watched the play of emotions on her friend's face with increasing frustration.

"Aang, do you know what's wrong with Zuko? Why don't you want me healing him if that's the reason you came here?"

Aang scooted his chair closer to Katara and gently took one of her hands in his larger ones.

"Katara, what I have to tell you will be difficult to hear, but I want you to try and keep an open mind." She nodded her face pale and pinched. Aang opened his mouth to speak, uncertain where to begin, when the soft chime of the small bells at the door interrupted. Katara gently pulled her hand out of Aang's and stood.

"That will be Milani, and probably her apprentice Oolania." Katara went to the entryway and let the two women in. Milani was a kind looking middle aged woman with a startling streak of white in her otherwise pitch black hair. Oolania hung behind her, and looked to be in her late teens. Aang stood as they entered the common area and they both gasped audibly and bowed low.

"Avatar Aang, it is truly an honor" Milani breathed. "How may we be of assistance?"

Aang strode forward easily and gently grasped her shoulders, pulling her upright to meet his gaze with a soft smile.

"Please, call me Aang, Sifu Milani because right now I'm not the Avatar, but a man seeking help for his friend." Aang released his grip and stepped back, giving her space. Katara smothered a grin at the pink in Sifu Milani's cheeks. "Very well Aang, then you must call me Milani. How can I help your friend?"

"As I'm sure you've heard I have traveled a great distance to the Northern Water Tribe seeking out the best healers in the world for my friend Zuko. He is in the bedroom; more unconscious than asleep I'm afraid. My friend Katara says that you have healing abilities similar to her own?" Milani nodded, her eyes shrewd. "I do have a gift similar to Sifu…to Katara's, but hers is much stronger than my own. Shouldn't she be the one healing the Fire Lord?"

"Unfortunately, I'm afraid that Katara's gift is…connected to the problem, and I'm uncertain what would happen to Zuko if she did try to heal him. Anything you could do at this point would be appreciated."

"Very well we will see to the patient, and if there's anything we can do for him, it will be done." Turning briskly she nodded once to Katara, who nodded back and then gestured to Oolania, who broke out of her trance of staring at Aang long enough to gather their supplies and follow her mistress into the bedroom.

Aang watched them go, hoping that Milani would be able to give Zuko the strength to face the coming trials. Turning to Katara he said "we should let them work in private, would you like to go for a walk?"

The night was cold, clear and perfectly still as they walked in silence to the outskirts of the city. The moon hung heavy and low in the sky, so close that Aang felt it wouldn't be too much effort to hop in his glider and fly up to it. He sighed, wondering what it was doing to Zuko at this very moment. Katara paced in front of him and stopped with her arms crossed. "Enough Aang; talk. You know what's happening to Zuko and I can't help but think it has something to do with me."

"Katara, it has everything to do with you." Katara couldn't hide her surprise. Aang sighed and with a few quick gestures he made a simple bench out of ice for them to sit on. He was grateful for the thick water tribe furs he had on keeping him warm.

"On our journey here Zuko and I figured out what's wrong with him through trial and error. We figured out that he can still Firebend, he just can't start fires, and we figured out that he can Waterbend…sort of." Katara gasped at this.

"When I saw he could do a basic Waterbending move successfully, I knew I had enough information to approach my past lives about Zuko's sickness. I went farther back than I have ever gone, to an ancient time when there were no Nations and all Benders lived together."

"But why? Why would you want to talk to an Avatar from that far back?"

"General Iroh spoke to me about his idea that the sickness was not physical, but spiritual, and he thought it stemmed from the Agni - Kai. It occurred to me that through all our modern history the nations are divided by Bending, and a group like ours where all the Bending arts worked together, hadn't happened in a very long time. If this affliction was caused simply by a Waterbender healing a Firebender, I wanted to go to a time period when that would have occurred. I spoke with Avatar Danar of the Misty Mountains. She told me about Life-Beloveds." Aang paused, glancing at Katara's intent expression before continuing.

"Apparently in ancient times it was common knowledge that not only the Avatar was reborn, but also several pairs of souls. These souls are called Life-Beloveds and they were, and always will be meant for each other." Aang eyed her meaningfully, noticing the color slowly draining from her face.

"Now it was still a pretty rare thing for these pairs to find each other, but when they did, they were bound to each other with a Ceremony, and with the circle completed they could bend the other's element." Katara stood and took a step backwards.

"What! No…I mean…" Aang stood as well, but stayed where he was, continuing softly and firmly.

"Katara these souls are always great benders, they're always the opposite element…Air to Earth and Water to Fire." Katara backpedaled further, her voice gaining pitch and volume;

"You're wrong! I mean, I can't Firebend can I…and I can still Waterbend…I haven't gotten sick…and…and there was no Ceremony or whatever you were saying!"

"The Bond is incomplete. That's what's making Zuko sick, it's imbalanced. I believe that when he died and you tried so desperately to heal him, your soul recognized his, and you literally poured yourself into saving him. Think about your Waterbending now from what it was before that Agni-Kai and tell me it hasn't changed."

Katara's mouth snapped shut and her mind raced as she desperately wanted to prove Aang wrong. It was so hard to remember. Aang marched up to her and began circling. "It _has_ changed Katara. The girl I knew seven years ago could make a wave big enough to roll a Fire Nation Destroyer on its side and keep on fighting. She could manipulate a sphere of ice spikes twenty feet high to within an inch of a man's face. She could Bloodbend." Katara hung her head in shame at the last one. Aang grabbed her shoulders fiercely.

"Weren't you telling me six months ago that you couldn't make it through one class with the first years without a headache? Think Katara, is it really the class that makes your head hurt and exhausts you…or is it your Bending?"

Katara paled and her eyes became distant as she thought hard. Her head did hurt more often than not now, and she was exhausted after every single class. She remembered the level of power and concentration it took to Bloodbend, and she truly didn't think she could pull it off now. "Spirits" was all she managed to whisper. Aang lowered his head until his forehead rested against hers.

"There's more." He murmured "I looked at his soul Katara, and I saw the piece of your soul buried within. It's too much for him. Unless balance is achieved, unless the Binding Ceremony is completed…He'll die…and so will you."

Katara shuddered. "No…I don't believe you…there has to be some way to undo this…"

"There isn't Katara. The only path is forward." Katara closed her eyes and shifted to rest her forehead against Aang's chest. "Does…Does Zuko know all of this?"

"He does."

She laughed mirthlessly. "He must be furious. If he truly is stuck with me…I mean…he just deserves…I don't know, someone…better." She finished lamely. "Someone calmer…and who knows about life at court in the Fire Nation...Spirits, the Fire Nation will never go for this, their Fire Lord being with…me." Aang rolled his eyes. "I'm sure there will be some grumbling, but I think they will be more pleased their Fire Lord is in fact alive and healthy." _And maybe even happy_ Aang thought to himself.

"What about you?" Katara looked up at him, her bright blue eyes wide and searching. "You seem okay with this…more than okay with this."

"Actually, I am." He took a deep breath, searching for the right words to explain his feelings. "For the longest time I wondered what I did wrong, or what I could have done differently so that you would love me." He looked down at her, her eyes shining with unshed tears at a pain long past. "Aang…I…"

"Katara" he cupped her cheeks gently, his callused fingers wiping the tears away "I now know that it truly wasn't me. You were never mine, and that's okay. For the first time I have hope…that there is someone out there for me." Katara nodded, and gave him a watery smile. Aang nodded back and gave her a soft genuine smile, and she could see the peace radiating from him. "C'mon, let's go back and check on Zuko." He turned and offered her his arm, which she took gratefully. She needed his steady presence more than ever now that her mind was spinning.

They walked back to the apartment in companionable silence until Katara eyed the moon setting on the horizon. "Tomorrow night is the full moon Aang. What will happen then?" Aang grimaced. "I don't know. We'll get through it somehow." Katara nodded, swallowing tightly. She had to believe that they could, otherwise all was lost.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: This was written for pleasure and no profit was made. Only Nickelodeon owns Avatar the Last Airbender

To My Faithful Readers: I didn't anticipate it being this long between chapters, but I am literally writing this from the opposite side of the world from where I started. As you can imagine, that transition took quite an adjustment period. I thank you for your patience, and I want you to know that the story lives on, and I have not abandoned it, or you. This is un-beta'd and all mistakes are mine.

And on we press…

Chapter 6

When they reentered the apartment Katara immediately became aware of the tension between Oolani and Milani. The teen was in the small kitchen area rinsing strips of bandages and other medical supplies her shoulders tight and hunched. Milani sat on the fur cushions staring straight ahead, her trembling hands clasped tightly in front of her mouth. Aang nodded to Katara meaningfully, his large grey eyes solemn, his mouth pursed into a thin line. He left the two women and went to help with the washing up. Katara sat on the sturdy low table across from Milani and gently grasped her hands in her own. "What is it Milani? You can tell me."

Milani took a deep steadying breath and met Katara's gaze squarely. "This illness Katara…it is unlike anything I have ever experienced. It has been my understanding in the past with wasting diseases that the patient has something growing wrong inside them, consuming all their energy and resources. I searched him entirely and found nothing like that."

_That's because only the Avatar can search his soul_ Katara thought bitterly. "There is more. It is not that he lacks energy; I would have gladly given him what he needed to heal if this were the case. He burns Katara, from without and from within. I tried to heal him using my gift and instead energy from him poured into me before I could stop it. I was able to break the connection, but I haven't been able to stop shaking since."

Katara rubbed her thumbs reassuringly across Milani's knuckles. "Thank you so much for trying Milani. Can I see him?" Katara asked respectfully, after all Zuko had been Milani's patient this evening. Milani nodded "of course dear. He is…unconscious right now."

Katara stood and turned toward the adjoining room when Milani reached out and gripped her wrist tightly. "He…he is dying."

Katara stared at her friend, her breath stuttering. "I know he is very ill Milani, that is why he's here. Aang and I are hopeful that in the next few days we'll be able to…"

Milani's grip tightened and she stood "No child you do not understand. He doesn't have days or a week. He's dying right now…the signs are upon him."

Katara slowly pulled her wrist free, marveling at the roaring sound that filled her ears _it sounds like the ocean_ she mused. "No, not yet…he can't…I haven't even…" she whispered.

Milani stood and gripped her shoulders fiercely. "He may not make it through the day, but he needs you now. Katara you must be strong." Katara nodded. Milani released her and Katara felt Aang's reassuring presence right behind her. Reaching blindly she found his hand and gripped it tightly. Her relief was indescribable when he returned her grasp with equal strength.

When they walked into the dimly lit room Katara felt the walls she had attempted to build around her emotions start to crumble. Milani and her faithful apprentice had done their jobs well. Zuko had been bathed and changed into a simple white tunic and pants. In spite of their ministrations the fever raged ever on within him, and his freshly washed hair was already plastered to his forehead with sweat.

"Aang…Aang I need more light. I need to see him." Aang silently complied, swirling his wrist so a small flame appeared in his palm and then concentrated so it burned bright and strong. Katara felt like all of the air had been sucked from her lungs. She sat hard on the edge of the bed, one hand covering her mouth while the other hovered inches over Zuko's bared chest. Tears tracked silently down her cheeks.

Milani was right. The signs were upon Zuko, and she took them all in with such a clinical finality that it broke her heart. His fingertips and toes were blue, and the mottled discoloration already covered his hands and was halfway up his forearms. His lips were pale and blue tinged as well. What nearly did her in was his breathing. Deep, strange gasping breaths followed by periods of such stillness that she nearly lost her mind praying to the spirits and Yué that there would be another. She reached a shaky hand to his eyelids and gently pulled them open, exposing tawny irises and blown pupils to Aang's light. At first they did nothing, then oh- so- slowly contracted. Gently closing Zuko's eyes she cupped his cheek, and a broken sob escaped as she realized that while this wasn't the first time she had touched him this way, it might be the last. "Aang, its true…Zuko's dying…right now. I don't…I don't know what to do."

Katara's eyes were closed so she wasn't aware when the light in then room changed from brilliant yellow to blue. She whirled around startled when the Avatar spoke, sounding like Aang but with the voices of millennia behind him.

"We shall have to see about bringing him back don't you think?" Katara nodded and stood as the Avatar leaned over Zuko and placed a hand on his forehead. The Avatar closed his eyes and Katara watched as his arrow tattoos glowed at first blue and then white. Holding her breath for what seemed like hours, but could have only been minutes the Avatar opened his eyes and Katara saw with some shock that there was panic in those glowing orbs.

"His spirit has already begun the journey to the other side; I need your help to bring him back! Give me your hand!" Unflinching Katara reached out and gripped Aang's glowing hand tightly. "Place your hand on his forehead, touching mine" the Avatar commanded and Katara quickly complied.

"This might feel strange…" She was falling, spinning, whirling and the darkness rushed up to meet her.

The first thing Katara noticed when she opened her eyes was that everything was…brown. Or well, more like shades of brown and tan…sepia really. Sitting up she realized she was sitting on the bank of a marsh, under a taupe weeping willow, and that Aang was nowhere to be seen.

"Aang?! Hello?!" She stood slowly and was grateful to realize the dizziness that brought her there hadn't followed.

"Aang! Where are you!" Distantly she heard his answering shout "Katara! This way!"

Stepping toward the water Katara instinctively tried to make an ice slide to get to Aang more quickly, and was completely baffled when nothing happened. _I must be in the Spirit Realm!_ she thought her mind reeling. Aang had told her about journeying to the Spirit Realm and how he couldn't use his Bending.

"Aang! I'm coming!" She stepped tentatively into the marshy water, and was relieved it was only shin deep. Pushing her way through a bank of muted cattails that were taller than her head, she came out on the edge of a pristine lake, and immediately saw Aang to her left. Smiling she waded up the sandy shore, marveling at how she dried instantly upon leaving the water, no Bending needed. Her smile faltered for a moment on approaching him, because something was…different about Aang. He seemed stronger somehow, almost radiant. He gazed at her calmly, recognizing her hesitance.

"Don't be afraid Katara, this is the Spirit Realm. We all look different here, our true selves are more…apparent."

She nodded her acceptance, because if that were accurate, then of course the Avatar's spirit would seem larger than life. Glancing down at herself she realized that while her feet were bare she was wearing her light tunic and battle wraps on her forearms that she hadn't worn in years, not since her journeys through the Fire Nation. Even though it had been so long, for the first time in a long time she felt comfortable in her own skin. Nodding solemnly she voiced a question that had been burning in her mind since her arrival to this strange place.

"Aang, is this where we go when we die?" Personally, Katara couldn't fathom spending eternity in this colorless existence, especially if she couldn't Bend.

Aang shook his head. "No, this is a place of transition, a stop for spirits before they continue on."

"On to where?"

Aang shrugged. "I don't know Katara, the next great adventure I suppose. That's why it's usually so empty here. Most spirits come here and…" His eyes widened in alarm.

"And what Aang? What do they do here?"

Swallowing hard, Aang met her anxious gaze. "They come here first to forget. To forget _everything_. Their past and the hardships of their previous lives. They become their true selves once more. Once a spirit has shed the chains of its previous life it can move on to the next. Most spirits move on, but some…they can't let go for whatever reason. They become trapped here, between worlds because of their anger or pride. Katara, we have to find Zuko now!"

"How do we find him?"

"You must find him. A part of you lives within him. Open your heart and it will lead us to him."

Katara nodded, lips pursed tightly. Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes and focused. It helped immensely that they were standing next to a lake; the gentle waves lapping up on the shore centered her immediately. Suddenly she felt it, the tug…a pull really, in her core. Opening her eyes she pointed to the other side of the lake where there was a strange, roaring sound.

"There. He's over there."

As they raced on foot around the lake, Katara marveled at the ease with which her bare feet pounded on the wet packed sand. They had run a fair distance but weren't winded at all and Katara felt like she could run forever like this, just for the sake of running. She glanced over and saw that Aang was grinning too. She snorted while she smiled, some things never changed. Gradually the terrain changed and they were forced to slow down some as large boulders began to litter the beach and the sand gave way to smooth stones. The roaring, which started out as a soft note on the edge of their hearing soon filled their senses, and Katara realized that the lake must pour into a huge waterfall nearby. Picking their way carefully through the large rocks, Katara's sense of Zuko strengthened, until she knew he had to be right around…

"Oh."

He stood on the precipice of a huge cliff, the waterfall pouring out to his right. His back was to them and he was staring off into the distance at something. Katara's heart beat in her throat. Of the three of them in the Spirit Realm now, Zuko was definitely the most mismatched between his actual body and…she swallowed hard…_this_. His long chestnut hair was pulled back into a loose low ponytail. Though still of lither build than Ozai thanks to his mother's gentle legacy, his frame was powerful, like a great cat on the prowl. Gone was any evidence of his lingering illness. He stood straight and tall, his broad shoulders pulling his crimson tunic taught. The fabric trailed down to his knees and Katara saw that his feet were bare like hers. Glancing at his hands she realized two things. First they were wrapped in blinding white linen all the way up his forearms. And second, compared to herself and Aang, Zuko seemed more solid, more real in this realm than any of the beige toned scenery she had encountered.

"Zuko" she half whispered, half called. When he didn't respond she tried harder. "Zuko!"

Still nothing. His entire being seemed enraptured with something he could see on the horizon. She glanced up at Aang who stood at her shoulder. He shrugged softly and nodded his head in the direction of the cliff. Chewing her bottom lip Katara marveled at how the few steps across the smooth plateau to the edge of the precipice were some of the hardest of her life. She brought a trembling hand up to Zuko's sleeve, clenched her fist tight and took a deep breath as her mind tried to reconcile the image, the spirit of the man next to her with the memory of his dying breaths burned so recently into her mind. As her resolve (and her hand) steadied she firmly grasped Zuko's upper arm, surprised at once with how warm and alive he felt.

He turned to her, ever so slowly like a man being pulled from a dream. He blinked at her owlishly, and she barely heard his whispered "Katara?" as her throat went dry in an instant. Looking down at her, his amber eyes soft with curiosity, Zuko's face was…perfect. Unblemished. Whole. Her mind reeling Katara pulled her gaze away from his unscarred visage and stared at his chest, visible between the folds of his crimson tunic. It too bore no marks of his previous trials, and without even realizing it she released her grip on his arm and placed her palm reverently where the scar on his ribcage should have been. She was startled when his larger hand gently covered hers. She looked up and was captured by his golden gaze once more.

"Katara…are you really here? Not that I really know where here is. This place is so strange, and yet it seems almost…peaceful."

Giving him a hoarse chuckle she replied "Yes Zuko, I'm really here. I'm sorry, I'm just so…surprised with how different things are. With how different you are."

He nodded at her slowly and smiled softly. "Katara, what is this place…and why…" he blinked again and then his gaze was drawn once again to the horizon. He released his gentle grip on her hand and turned to face away again. Katara felt an ache begin deep in her chest at the loss of his touch. "Zuko" she reached out and gripped his forearm tightly. "Zuko what do you see?"

Without looking at her he whispered "He's here. Don't you see him? He's coming…I think he's coming for me…I think I'm supposed to go with him."

"What! Zuko! Who's here?" She turned and looked hard out at the horizon, noticing for the first time that they were above the level of the clouds on the cliff. She squinted into the distance, trying to look exactly where Zuko was looking. Still gripping his arm, her breath caught as she glimpsed movement in the distance. A long thin red shape was curling its way sinuously toward them. "Dragon" she breathed, and whipped around to face Aang. "Aang! There's a dragon coming!"

Aang raced to the edge of the cliff and stared in the direction of her point. He paled visibly when he spotted the great beast making its way towards the cliffs. "Katara, if he chooses to go with the dragon, he will be lost to us…forever."

"What do you mean choses?" Katara hissed! "I thought we just had to find him, and here, we found him so let's go, get us out of here!" she gestured wildly at the realm behind her.

"It's not that simple Katara."

She groaned. "It never is."

"Zuko has to agree to come with us; we can't just rip him away from here. He has to turn his back on that" he eyed the dragon meaningfully "and come back with us willingly. Unfortunately he's forgetting the reasons he might come back with us, and the pull of the next world is getting stronger."

"Okay. I think I understand." She turned and gripped Zuko's arm tightly and forced him to turn toward her.

"Zuko! Please! Look at me." He slowly turned away from the horizon and glanced down at her. He looked confused again, and slowly whispered "Katara? What are you doing here?" Her heart broke. He was already forgetting her, even though she was standing right next to him. He looked like a man sleepwalking. She frowned, well, she knew how to deal with that. She only hoped this would work and not make things worse. She gripped his shoulders and said sincerely "I'm sorry Zuko" and she leaned back and slapped him as hard as she could.

"Katara!" Aang yelled horrified

"What!" she yelled back, furious.

"Ow! Jeeze Katara! What in the name of Agni was that for?!" Zuko yelled, rubbing his jaw that was already turning an interesting shade of pink. He looked around, and Katara breathed a sigh of relief. His gaze was sharper and he looked more like himself. "Where…Where am I. What's going on?" He looked at Katara and Aang pleadingly. Katara looked at Aang and nodded _I've got this_. Aang nodded back slowly and walked back to the lake, still within earshot.

Taking a deep breath she wondered where to start. "Zuko, what do you remember? About before this."

He frowned. I remember…the moon, and ice." He looked at her sharply. "I remember you there…you were crying. I remember…sadness in Uncles eyes…" Zuko closed his own eyes. "I remember…flying…with Aang…to the North Pole." He opened his eyes again, his tawny gaze on her piercing and aware. "We were journeying to you."

She nodded silently. "That's right Zuko. You made it to the North Pole. To me. Do you remember why?"

He shook his head slowly. "No I..." he paused then grimaced and his hand flew instinctively to his chest. "Pains…in my chest…for so long now. I was…I was dying wasn't I?"

Katara nodded again.

"But…but it's okay now." He rubbed his chest, feeling no ache, or scar even.

"I feel okay, better than okay actually. I feel whole and…at peace for the first time in a long time. That means it's okay." He smiled at her earnestly.

"Zuko" she sighed. How could she do this to him, ask this of him.

"Here and now, in this place you're going to have to make a choice. The choice is yours to come with Aang and me, or to…go on." She paused. "I hope you come with us. We need you Zuko, your people need you…I…I need you."

His eyes widened. "But if I go back with you…to the ice…it will hurt wont it. _Spirits Katara_, do you know how long I've been alone, living in pain and in fear of pain. I…I don't think I can go back to that. How can you ask me to go back to that?" He took an involuntary step away from her, and the pain in her chest sharpened. He glanced to his right, as if hearing a call and she saw the surprise in his face.

"Is that a dragon?"

"No Zuko!" She sobbed as his eyes started to glaze over once more. She took a step and slowly wrapped her arms around his waist, wondering if this would be the last time she would do this with her friend. His arms wrapped comfortably around her shoulders and she sniffed against his chest.

"Katara…"

"It's okay Zuko. You're right. You shouldn't have to go back to that. I'll…I'll come with you."

He inhaled sharply. "What? You can't! You belong…he wracked his brain, his senses slowly awakening. "You belong with the living. And right now…I'm dying aren't I. That's the choice I have to make."

She nodded against his chest.

"Katara, you can't come with me, you have so much to live for, you're young and strong and you have people that love you."

She pulled back a little and looked up at him. "You don't understand."

"Help me understand"

"Do you remember what Aang learned about your illness? About Life-Beloveds?"

Zuko bristled in her arms. "I suppose. Which is another reason for me to go…on. I can't obligate you like that Katara, against your will…"

"No you don't understand! It's done. We're bound to one another, if incompletely. And Life-Beloveds cannot exist without each other, in the realm of the living…or the next. So if you go on…if you die Zuko, so do I." She ground out the last part through gritted teeth.

Zuko pulled away from her, his already pale features taking on a greyish tinge as he stared at her. "No, I don't believe you…it can't be true."

"It's true Zuko. So now you know, that wherever you go, we go together."

"Katara" he whispered and brought a trembling hand to her face, caressing her cheek as if she was the most precious thing he had ever seen. She felt the heat of a blush warm her cheeks. Zuko had never touched her in such an intimate manner before.

"I could never hurt you, how could I possibly…" _end your life_ he thought and a shudder ran through him. The world without Katara in it would be a dark place indeed, one that he couldn't fathom. He pictured the grief her family would feel, her father, Sokka, Suki, Aang. Spirits, Aang would lose them both. He hung his head and steeled his heart. This wouldn't be easy, but then again he grimaced mirthlessly, nothing in his life ever was, so why should his death be any different. With one last glance at the crimson dragon, which was now close enough to see its powerful limbs and wings, he gently grasped Katara's hand and turned his back to it. "Come on; let's not keep Aang waiting any longer."

As they walked toward Aang and their return to the real world, Katara felt Zuko begin to tremble and sway. Glancing up at him Katara saw with a heavy heart that the radiance that had surrounded him was dissipating, he was becoming as cold and sepia toned as his surroundings. Bracing him around his waist she shepherded him to the tree line, all the while shouting for Aang. He came rushing up and his expression mirrored hers, a combination of hope and sorrow twisted Aang's features as he gently placed a hand on each of their foreheads.

"It's time to go back Zuko" he whispered "Now" the sound resonated across the realm as the Avatar came forward and blue light enveloped them all.


End file.
